The Fix.

Chapter 1

I look at the clock for the millionth time since I stepped inside Mr. Decker's classroom.

Darn it! Five more minutes until the bell.

Each minute goes by slowly, as the minuet clock hand takes its time reaching the 6, almost as if it was thinking whether or not to move and end my misery or stay put and watch it. Sick of watching me suffer, the minute hand reaches the 6 and the bell rings. I resist the urge to shove all my stuff in my backpack and bolt for the door, instead I take my time neatly putting my things in my book bag and walk out the door, but not before I wish Mr.Decker a nice weekend. I walk to my locker, not surprised to see the Recruiters Club waiting for me patiently.

"Hey ladies.", I smile at them

"Hey Rose. So what are our assignments today?", ask Marlene

"Well actually I was thinking we'll go around in groups. Jazmin, Lacy, Jade, you guys have astronomy club. They are having a solar system recreation contest this weekend. Brit, Leslie, Marlene, you have the La Pasada and don't forget to add that it's only $5 dollars. Vanessa, Charlie, and I will be recruiting people for the new cooking club.", I hand them each their stack of flyers to pass out.

"And remember girls, " I feel my million dollar smile slide across my face, "smile." We split up, all going to the busiest hallways.

"Join the new cooking club! Do you like food? Join the cooking club! Want free food? Come to the cooking club! It's on Wednesday at 3 to 4!" I shout these phrases putting the light pink cooking club flyer in people's hands. I felt a flutter of accomplishment in my stomach every time I saw astronomy or La Pasada flyers in their hands already. After 15 minutes there are barely any students still in the hall. I turn and skip to my locker where the Recruiter Club was waiting for me,again.

"How did it go girls?" I ask with a lot of faith in their answers

"Well we passed out all of our flyers except for 2 that fell.", reported Jade

"We decided to do some location profiling, and attacked the nerdy sections first before we traveled to the busy sections. We only have 3 left.", Britney says a little smug.

"What about you guys?", I say looking at Vanessa and Charlie

"Well I passed out all of mine. What about you, Char?", Vanessa says as Charlie nods in response

"So did I. Good job guys! Don't forget to turn in your involvement hours to me by next week.", I say clearly dismissing them as I grab my bag out of my locker. They take the hint, wave good bye, and leave, all accept for Vanessa and Charlie. We walked in awkward silence to celibacy club. They were quiet. Way too quiet for my liking.

"Okay spit it out.", I finally say feeling their secrecy thick in the air. Their eyes meet each other and they hold their stare until Charlie finally blinks.

"Damn it.", Charlie says under her breath. Some friends do Rock-Paper-Scissors, they do staring contests. I've learned to live with it.

"Its that bad?", I ask kinda scared now.

"Well it's Britney."

"What about her?", I ask confused now

"She wants your spot as President."

"In what club?" I laugh, relieved it's nothing that serious

"All of them." Vanessa said quietly. I stop laughing so quickly my head started to spin at the sudden change of emotion.

No! She can't have all of them. They keep me alive. They keep me busy. The keep me in control of my demons. If she takes that away from me I'll go crazy. I'll end up like- No! Rose don't think that. You need to calm down. You need to breath. You need... IT.

I take a deep breath in and out, obeying my inner thoughts. My friends look at me with worried faces. I look back at them and laugh a laugh that sounds somewhat legit.

"You guys don't worry about her. I'm a good leader. Plus I started most of those clubs."

"See I told you Vanessa she wouldn't sweat it." Charlie says laughing

"No you didn't I did. You were the one who said 'Oh my gosh! She's going to be so heartbroken!' " Vanessa does an imitation of Charlie.

"Hey you guys go ahead. I have to use the bathroom.", I say when we reach the door. They both look at me then shrug their shoulders and go in.

I speed walk to the nearest bathroom, my arm itching, my hands shaking, it's like my body is getting ready for IT. I go into the the biggest stall making sure the door is locked. I sit on the toilet and breath, trying to control my craving.

I need control. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. YOU are in control, not IT. YOU ARE IN CONTROL.

I repeat those words over and over in my head as I take out the small tin spider man container in my bag. I take out the spoon, the lighter, and IT. I feel my body go crazy as I watch it burn, it was like looking at a hamburger and I hadn't ate in months.

Control it. You are in control.

I take out the needle and carefully draw in every last drop of IT off the spoon. I roll up my sleeve and gasp at the ugly sight. Small pinprick bruises stare back at me. I ignore the shame creeping into my stomach and hold my breath as I position the needle just at the crook of my elbow.

"I am in control." I say out loud right before the needle goes in. Even though I've done this a while I still wince but the pain is immediately subsided and is replaced with bliss. I sit there for a few minutes waiting for some of the first high to die down, then I wrap up the needle and throw it away. MORE! MORE! MORE! I walk out the bathroom, catching my reflection in the mirror as I pass by, I smile at the revival of life in my eyes

I walk into the celibacy club feeling as confident as I felt after my morning appointment with IT. I sit down next to Vanessa, eager to get engaged with the ongoing conversation.

"Well somebody just had a energy boost. What you do? Have two shots of caffeine?", Vanessa whispers in my ear

"Nope.", I smile at her, "I'm always like this. It's just like any other day."