Mistakes are part of being human.”
Al Franken
When words tumble out of my mouth, they just do, there is nothing I can do to stop them. It’s almost like they cascade and I can hear every syllable, pronounced loud and unmistakably before they leave my mouth. Unpleasant, delighted or perplexed the words portray them all. They teeter precariously on my tongue, almost waiting for a signal from my brain so they can freely launch themselves and travel to the receiver then wait silently for a reply. Sometimes what I say, I don’t mean. It’s a mistake and I can never rectify it.
But……………………………………
What is a mistake?
People call it a slip of tongue or an action done in a selfless state. But a mistake is more than that; mistakes have a deep history, connections and a reason. The reasons take over the mind and blind you from the real world. They submerge you in the depth of the reasons and drive you in the wrong direction .The brain may be a well-oiled machine but emotions are not. Once the emotions are stirred, they rise and take over.
That was it. It was one step out of line and I had to react. One more sentence and I couldn’t hold back. I wanted to explode into a ball of fury; I wanted to show how I really felt; what I was holding inside for so long. It was edging up, slowly and with each and every word it was giving me the urge to talk back. But I knew I couldn’t. It would be wrong; it would make the situation even worse.
My mind was swirling into the depths of our past. The support we used to give each other. Did we really want to throw that away?
My options were limited; I had to cross them out one by one. Which approach would I take?
I couldn’t decide. I was distraught. If I walked away, if I turned my back, I would be a coward. It would end badly, reputations would be destroyed.
If I reacted, I wouldn’t stop. All my feelings would pour out and I wouldn’t do anything. It had happened countless times and I wanted it to change. I needed to be strong; I needed to find a way to resolve this, well but quickly.
A mistake always needs rectifying, in any way possible, but the main problem after you commit the mistake is: how do you choose the right option to rectify the mistake?
Choosing any option puts you at risk. You are never a hundred percent sure it is definitely going to be right! It puts your mind in a dilemma. That’s what mistakes are for. If you come to think of it, mistakes are like decisions, only that the bad decisions are the mistakes. Mistakes can be forgiven but leave an invisible scar and although the scar is never seen, it is always remembered and referred to in coming years. It’s like a hidden secret that you want to forget but it haunts you.
So……….what did I do?
I was innocent. No! A fool. As I repeated the mistake I did countless times before. I let loose, I screamed with all my might. The words shot out of my mouth like arrows ready to strike my defenceless opponent. I was a snake with words of venomous sting. So I yelled and I protected us from everything that we were accused of. I picked the wound until it left a scar. Hurtful, thoughtless words were exchanged but we had no clue what we were doing; all that mattered was the ego, and self-respect of the people.
The situation got worse. It affected many things, it made the world dangerous .Suddenly my reputation dropped and I realised that this “mistake” of always defending instead of leaving the situation to resolve itself, had turned into a habit and this habit had led to unhappiness and pain. I was alone, without a friend and the mistake I had committed was a burden that I couldn’t shake off. I guess had never realised how much this mistake could affect my days. I was unpleasant, mean and cut myself off from the world when, I could have been content, pleased and social. I was an example to everyone of an inconsiderate girl who couldn’t control herself, who was immature; who recklessly destroyed any signs of happiness.
But………………
There will be bigger mistakes committed and these may be mistakes that can never be rectified. It is true that some mistakes will never leave your side no matter how large or minimal they are. These are the mistakes that make you question yourself.
Ego, is this a thing worth fighting for? To have your head inflated with evil power? Is this a thing that will make you continue this journey of mistakes? This is something that everyone needs to think of. Its questions like these that you need to answer yourself. There is no other way.
My name is Jessie Young and this is my last day of living. The way I have described this mistake is misleading. It sounds like 10 year old girls fighting, but it’s the opposite. I used to be part of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. I represented my country but the ways I used to protect my country from the allegations backfired. I thought I could resolve the situation using peace talks but I couldn’t. I was so confident that this would work. However all I did was open an old wound and repeat the mistake. This mistake has cost lives of innocent people.
Now, we are at war.War of all things! The destroyer of peace.
Never underestimate the power of one mistake, every mistake is has an effect of its own.
So did mine, My Mistake.
