clarke's grief

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hello! this is one of my first fics on this account so please leave your thoughts in the comments and i might continue making oneshots! enjoy! ~ sophie

"Shut up!" Clarke screamed at the possessed raven, the smirking girl on the beds eyes shining as she found Clarke's weak spot: Lexa. She punched the strapped down girl across the face screaming as Bellamy pulled her out the room, roughly pushing him away as she walked outside. "Clarke what the hell is wrong with you!" her back turned away from him as he shouted as her. She clenched her fists as his words consumed her body, radiating her as she turned around and slapped him across the face. He stumbled, shocked with her actions as Octavia came behind him looking alarmed. "Clarke! What are you doing?" The blonde clenched her fists, "I've had enough of you all telling me I'm fucking second best, I didn't want to be the leader of this stupid messed up group. You take my job for a day and see how you do" she seethed, taking a deep breath before turning around and walking away. "I'll be back before we leave"

Clarke didn't know what to do, she didn't even have time to process lexa's death when it had happened. Let alone give herself some time to grief. It felt hard to breathe when she thought of her heda, she sat down by the river. Crossing her legs under herself as she played with the corner of her sleeves. The water illuminating her features and the moon shining high. Clarke felt sobs bubbling in her chest, and for once she let herself cry. She cried and cried until she felt like suffocating. "May we meet again" she whispered, her words carried by the wind. She hoped all that lexa had said about reincarnation was true, and they'd get a commander who was just as pure and sweet as her. No one would compare to her though, no one would ever take lexa's place. "Clarke?" She turned round at the noise, her knife out before she even registered the voice. She turned around, lowering her weapon as she saw Octavia approaching her. "What do you need?" She asked the girl, turning away to compose herself before placing back on the cracked mask of leadership. "I just came to check if you were okay?" Clarke rolled her eyes, she knew Octavia didn't really want to check on her, Bellamy had probably sent her. "I'm fine, Octavia. You can go back to camp I'll be joining you soon" Octavia huffed, sitting roughly down next to Clarke and bumping shoulders with her. "Look, I'm...sorry. I couldn't do what you do, all those hard decisions that you had to make and people just keep shouting at you. I know you have emotions and shit that you have to deal with and I don't know what happened back there but...seriously, Are you okay?" Clarke looked down, her hair falling in front of her face and slowly shook her head. "What happened in polis? With lexa" Clarke's eyes filled with tear and she roughly pushed them away. "Titus shot her, you already know this" her words came out hard, Octavia shooting her a look. "You know that's not what I mean" "I don't want to talk about it" her words cracked, her voice shaking as she looked at the flame in her hand. "Clarke..." the blonde looked up, her eyes catching Octavia's expecting to see sympathy. But all she found was understanding. "I lost her" she whispered, wrapping her arms protectively around herself, as if it physically hurt talking about this. Octavia sat in silence, obviously realising Clarke didn't want to talk about this. Clarke stood up after a while, wiping her tears away as she got ready to head back. Her head ached and everything felt sore but...it had felt good to cry for a bit. She made sure no traces of tears were on her face as they made their way back, mutual consent not to talk as her and Octavia walked into the small trading post. As they walked back in she felt Octavia' fingers lace with hers, and for once, it felt good to have a friend again.

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