Life isn't Rainbows and Sunshine

A Hard Life Lesson

  My lesson in life?  

  Fend for yourself.  

  Don't care.  And if you do, then stop caring.

  Because in the end, no one really cares.  

  You have to protect yourself and no one else.  You have to think about yourself and no one else.  

  All  you have to care about, is yourself and no one else.

  I have learned that if you care for others, it will just come back to bite you in the butt.  You will just be hurt by the ones that you so want to love and the ones that you want to love you back.

 There will be those who seem to be different.  But don't fool yourself.  They are just doing the same thing you are.  

 Hoping...

 For someone to care for them.  For someone to want them.  For someone to love them.

 But don't let them in.  Because when you have to let them go, it will be too hard.  By letting them in, you have an obligation.  

 To them. To yourself.  To life. 

 You won't be able to just let go.  Because now, you are attached.  You have something preventing you from leaving.  

 You are now stuck in this world and hating life because of it.  Almost hating others because of it.  You've let that painful thing called love, overcome you.  And now, you can't just leave.

 So you distract yourself.  You try to find things to numb the pain.  Sometimes causing pain is the only way to eliminate it.

  This pain is a pain caused by your own doing.  

  It is the only helpful thing to block out life's hurt.

 So I find my tool to freedom.  I use it to cause more pain, but pain that will overshadow the worser of the two.  It blurs my thinking.  The never ending cycle of thoughts that are turning in my mind.  

 The thoughts that make my mind a mess cause so much hurt, that soon,all I can think about is the next time I will be alone.  The urge is so overwhelming that sometimes I don't wait until I am home, but instead, go to the nearest bathroom.  

 This pain is my freedom. This pain will consume you.  It will overwhelm you until it is almost too much. Sometimes, it will be too much, and then you'll be gone.  But as you thought, the world will keep spinning.  People will continue in their lives as if nothing changed.  As if you never really mattered.  As if you were never there.

 You have no impact on the world.  You are just another person.  So don't tell yourself anything else.  It will crush your heart to think so.  

 Because you matter to no one else.