There's something that's so utterly satisfying watching death and destruction come to someone who single-handedly fucked you up for the rest of your life. There's an entirely different kind of satisfaction when you're the one responsible for that d...
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The night they came, nothing had been out of the ordinary. There were no dark skies or storms, nor any other ominous events to warn us of the tragedies that would occur. The sky was clear and held a menagerie of hues, with colors such as red and purple combining to create probably the most beautiful sunset I'd ever seen in my short lifespan.
But even with the sky being as beautiful as it was, the two of us had a long day ahead of us tomorrow to prepare for the cold months, so we both had to go to sleep earlier than usual. Mama slipped into bed beside me and pulled the threadbare blanket over us. There were two beds in our small shack, but because it was starting to get chilly at night, Mama slept next to me so we could stay warmer. She had always been thoughtful like that; it was one of my favorite traits of hers, and I felt like her thoughtfulness was her way of making up for her profession.
She was a prostitute, and a busy one at that. Most nights stretched on seemingly endlessly, so I especially cherished occasions like that night when she refused to service anyone because it meant I had her all to myself. Usually that meant I'd cuddle up to her and listen to her as she sang me to sleep, but that night, there were several questions burning the tip of my tongue, questions that needed to be asked to satiate my curious mind. Looking up at her as she trailed her fingers through my blonde hair, I asked, "Mama, why do you do what you do?"
Her fingers stilled for a second. "What do you mean, dear?"
I pouted at her. She knew what I meant, but I clarified anyhow. "Why do you let those men come in here and touch you like that?"
She pulled away and propped herself up with her elbow to peer down at me. "I do so that you don't have to. I don't want you to live like I do. I want you to find someone who cares about you and would do everything in his power to make sure that you never want for anything, that you're safe and fed... I want you to have the kind of life that I couldn't have."
"Why doesn't my father help out? Why don't I ever see him?"
"Honey," she had said, and then she hesitated. I couldn't help but to draw my brows together in confusion. "Your father left before he even knew that I was pregnant with you. To be quite honest, I'm not sure where he went or what became of him."
"Did he love you? Did you love him?"
"Well, no... we didn't love each other. Love is hard to find in a world like ours, so we've got to take what we can get. Please, just go to sleep, Kovy. You'll understand when you're older." She said that and then lowered herself back onto the ratty mattress again, wrapping her arm around me and closing her eyes. Within minutes, she was asleep, but I remained awake for a while longer, thinking about her words.
When sleep did overtake me, it didn't last for long. The sound of the door being broken down was more than enough to jolt both Mama and I awake, and when we exited the bed and retreated backwards out of fear, she hurried to shield me behind her as a couple of men shouldered their way into our shack. I cowered behind her, unable to do or say anything.
"Imagine my displeasure when I learned that the best whore in the area was closed for business the single night I was passing through," said the taller of the two men, his dark eyes looking over my mother's body shamelessly. "I've been looking forward to this trip solely so I could fuck you and have the greatest night of my life, and just because you're closed for business, that doesn't mean I'm going to go home unsatisfied."
He began to stalk closer to us when his crony grabbed him by the back of his shoulder and pointed to me. "What about the child?"
The look the taller man threw at the other was absolutely venomous. "She's small enough that we can take her with us without a problem." I began to shake at the same time my mother started screaming at them to go to Hell, and the tall man lunged for her and clasped his hand over her mouth to shut her up. His other hand went around her neck, and he steered her back to the bed, forcing her down. He drew his knee up between her legs, and the nightgown rode upwards with the movement, baring all that was hidden underneath.
Suddenly the other man had blocked my view with his stocky frame and covered my ears with both hands. But I could still hear bits and pieces of what was going on, and I began to cry as I realized what was happening to my mother. My sobbing intensified as I became aware of how powerless I was to stop any of it from happening, and the sound drowned out the rest of the noise.
Because I hadn't fought thus far, the man shielding me from such a horrific act of violence had no time to stop me when I quickly slipped away from him and launched myself at the back of the taller man as he hovered over my mother, violating her in probably the worst way possible. I dug my teeth into his neck as far as they would go, since I knew my teeth could do more damage to him than my fists or nails ever could. "You bitch!" he screamed, and he tore me from his back, throwing me onto the bed beside my mother.
I expected her to look at me with panicked eyes or to tell me to run away, but she was oddly silent. When I looked at her for the first time since my view had been blocked before, I understood... Her throat had been slashed... She was gone. The noise hadn't stopped because of my crying, it was because my mother was no longer alive to protest against the attack. Whatever fight there had been in me when I had resolved to help her disappeared, and I became completely devoid of anything. I felt nothing. Not the rough hands of the tall man carrying me to his horse, not the pain of losing my mother. Nothing. I had shut down entirely.
My pale eyes focused in on the sunset as I was carried off. The red and purple hues had been so beautiful before, but now I saw only the red of my mother's blood and the dark bruises that had been inflicted upon her at some point during her struggle. 'I never want to see another sunset like this for as long as I live.'
