Don't wanna call you in the nighttime. Don't wanna give you all my pieces. Don't wanna hand you all my trouble Don't wanna give you all my demons You'll have to watch me struggle. From several rooms away
The thoughts in my head. Were now clear depression but being so young I knew how to somewhat deal with it thats why im so good at it now. If it wasn't for being makes fun of your whole life not having a lot of friends. Learning that love is just a word. Then I wouldn't know how to deal with depression so good hide it from most. I would be dead.
My mother started leaving and I didn't know where she was. At the time I wouldn't have thought about it how I thought of it know. She was probably having a one nightstand.
At the time my mom started leaving so did I. I ran away from this horrid wasteland. I ran away from the truth. But they always bring me back dont they.
I was running away to my mothers friends house. She was a crazy mad black woman, but she was all that i had at the time. I was alone in this world. And thats when suicidal thoughts started to happen.
Hated my life but being me i always tried to find the brightside of things. Even when my mom was hinting that i was a mistake. I was a child of God that always had hope no matter what situation i was in. Even a life or death matter.
I really hated being home so I went to the next best thing my cousins house. Im pretty sure they started getting concerned when it became a everyday thing. It was either that or the park. Funny story at the park my cousins boyfriend tried to kiss me but me being loyal I said. Hell No. He was pretty attractive too but im not gonna kiss the girl who's house I practically live at boyfriend. Im not a whore.
At the time of my life I didn't know about TØP and P!atd or MCR. And I was way to innocent to cut myself. So I stress ate. I was so bad but the always stayed the same weight. But one day I ate my uncles candy and he beat me. He pinned my arms and back against the bed and beat me I could get out of his grip. My thoughts while it happened was im gonna kill him if not today the next. I ran upstairs to my Grandmother yelling uncle Jesse is harassing me while tears stained my face. My grandmother and uncle were know to argue. But at this moment she did nothing. Nothing just sat there and waved me off.
At this moment I knew why she treated me so different from the rest of my family. Its probably because of my dad. My mother told me that my grandmother disliked my dad very much. My grandma even told me.
So one day I woke up being hit. I never knew why I was just getting hit. I screamed in my grandmothers face no bad words just why are you hitting me I didn't do anything. She just said Go to hell. Then I left I was on the run and go. I went to my moms friends house and we walked all around town. From morning to night.
We mostly walked and talked I asked if I could say over her house she said I cant. I didn't wanna rgo home but I had to. She said she would make sure they didn't put me on the street so we walked back.
She talked to my grandmother what my grandmother was saying was so fake. "Oh we've been looking all over for her" God knows she's a fake bitch. So I went inside and they said oh no your not staying here she said. Well where the hell was I going. Then a knock on the door came. It was my 'aunt' . She never really liked me but I had no choice it's not like I was going to sleep on the streets. Even though that wasn't an option.
Their house was so freaking messy it was just annoying like I hated sleeping there like get civilized. And I'm not even that mean. So I grabbed a worn out blanket and stuffed it in my bag because I don't know what's on or in that couch. Along with a blanket I don't mind sleeping with or bringing it there. Then some clothes nothing fancy some pajamas and a pair of jeans and a shirt and essentials.
As we were riding there she asked me is everything ok. Me over here being stubborn said yeah. I don't like small talk or questions I don't feel like answering so I reply with one ceilible words. So if I ever do this to you that means I'm not interested in the conversation. We got there I went on the couch set my self up. Ew.
Then I fell asleep. The dreams coming in my head were about my demons that are in my head. Persuading me to death but the little hope keeping me alive in my sleep. And that's why I'm alive but dead inside.
