The Secret.

Chapter: Sometimes you need to Break.

"By leaving behind your old self, and taking a leap of faith into the unknown, you find out what you're truly capable of becoming." 

I closed my eyes, keeping my mouth quiet. I stared at the tan building, was it supposed to make it seem warm and loving? I watched someone enter the building through the double glass doors, a sticker was in the corner window to the right door. Love = Respect. That and many other stupid sayings like that covered the window. There is help, we'll listen. Ending it isn't the answer. This was my favorite: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 

I let a hard sigh come out, as I opened the passenger side door. I heard my mother click her door close behind me, and pulled out a cigarette. 

"Do you want me to go in with you?"

"Why would you?" I asked. "You don't even want to be here. You're ashamed of me."

"Amethyst." My mother snapped. "Enough of the crap, you know I love you-"

I brushed her off and headed for the doctors office. I quickly walked down the steps, and pushed open the door, the smell of overly clean, and bleach clung to the air. I let the door swing behind me shut, and I walked up to the check-in counter. 

"Name?" A old balding man asked, without even looking up.

"Amethyst Crimson." 

"Go to the waiting room, Lee will be with you."

I didn't question it, and placed myself in the plastic cushioned chair. This was my 8th visit to my new therapist, I had 6 others before Lee. Each one said I was way to much for them, and wished for nothing to do with me. I was, for lack of better terms; fucked. I was beyond help. So instead, we'd just keep paying for the couple thousand dollar visits to people to try and get me to talk about my feelings, and when I wouldn't, they'd leave me alone. If someone caught on before all this money was wasted maybe they'd understand how much of it they were wasting - I didn't want to talk. I don't want to talk. 

I watched a old frail women walk out, with a kid who couldn't be more then 9 with faded bruises along her arms and collarbone walk out. Humans were stupid, weak creatures. Some needed to be killed, some deserved it. The old women turned to me, and smiled. This was Lee, she stood 4' 3'' tall, with silver hair, and pale blue eyes. 

"Hello Amethyst. How are you today?" She smiled. 

I nodded quietly at her, looking right to the side of her head, refusing to make eye contact. 

"Well, are you ready to come back?" 

I stood up and began my way down the hall into her office. I stared at the carpet on my way down, till she opened the door and I walked in. Her office was supposed to be for younger children, and they thought maybe she would work for me. Regardless of the fact I would be nineteen here shortly. In her room, the bookshelves had toys from extremely young children, to about thirteen years old. Papers were lined along the walls, with bad hand writing with good feels, and bad feels. Some had items taped or glued with the items they mentioned. Between two of the book cases was a sandbox, with toys in it, and glitter. She gestured to the couch. 

"Please, sit Amethyst." 

I did as she asked. I sat down, crossing my legs and staring blankly out the window next to her desk. It actually had a very pretty view of the mountain and woods that surrounded the hospital. It was later, because I had to wait till mom got off work. This was my mom's odd way of trying to re-connect with me. Taking me to Therapy. Because this was totally where I wanted to be. I looked over to Lee, who sat calmly with her pen and paper, ready for anything I may say.