The fall into despair- Kagehina oneshot

One shot- Kagehina

(Quick Note- I was listening to this song and "The memory" and also "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade on repeat while I was finishing up writing this and I just thought that you might want to listen to them ??? Idk but The Memory by Mayday Parade fits pretty well I think... yes, I am very emo, I know. Ok that's all, enjoy your suffering!)

All that was going through his head was the feeling of cold metal gliding across his skin and the warmth from the crimson liquid that seeped out after every time he dragged the knife across across his pale wrist, that was soon covered in a red, dripping curtain. He didn't feel any pain except for the excruciating pain in his heart that felt as though he was being carved into pieces with a jagged, unforgiving knife that was referred to as reality. 

Kageyama was at a serious loss of what value his life held anymore. He always thought that his life had no meaning without volleyball but after getting closer to Hinata, Kageyama felt that something had awakened inside of him. 

It felt like he found his missing piece to life. 

Hinata was his new meaning to life. 

And ever since he first became closer to him he always felt as if he was a special and important person when Hinata was by his side. He felt invincible with him. He didn't know what to call the connection he held between Hinata and himself and the only way he could explain the way he felt about him was that he truly loved Hinata. He loved him more than anything less. And the only reason he was so broken and lost was because of the stupidity that overtook him that night. Just because of that stupid confession he was now standing in his bathroom, ready to faint at any moment while the blood continued to drip down onto the white tiled floors. That one event was supposed to be the happiest moment of his entire life but had suddenly taken a darkest turn imaginable and became the worst thing to have ever happened to him. 

It had only been a week after that night and he was struggling even more with his emotions than before. He has also had trouble showing his emotions which was the reason behind why he usually exploding out over small things and he even had a hard time showing when he was happy. It wasn't that he had no emotions, he just had never quite learned how to express them to other people so that they could understand them. But now it was the opposite. Now he didn't feel anything at all except the same excruciating pain that made him wish that he had faced what fate Hinata had suffered from.

During the day he looked as though he was made of stone. Emotionless and dead inside. His eyes, that once gleamed every so often went completely dark, as if they had been devoured by his sorrow. He appeared as though he had been completely broken, he never showed any emotions towards anything anymore. No anger, happiness, excitement or despair shown on his face. But the emotionless mask he wore every day was always hiding how much agony he was in. During the night when he was alone, he would allow his mind to be devoured by the darkens he hides behind his stone-faced mask. Every night he would always stand in his bathroom and face the smudged mirror, watching as his face slowly changed, as if his mask was slowly being lifted off his face, revealing the pain he had been hiding all day.

Everyone one around him could see through the mask that he put on every day, but they would still never be able to see the full picture or scars that he hid skillfully. There wasn't anything that could be done to return him to his old self, not without Hinata being by his side again. The pain of guilt. Of tragedy. Of regret. Of a shattered heart was all too heartbreaking, that he knew he would never be the same without seeing the love of his life ever again.