The Days Of Kelsea's

(38) Kelsea - Sunday 7th October 9.05 pm On the bus

(38) Kelsea - Sunday 7th October, 9.05 pm, On the bus

I'm on the way back from work. The evening shifts are the worst, because it's so quiet and eerie and I only have Sienna Rawle for company and her presence is even more intense than usual because we aren't running around like on our other busier shifts during the day.

But that's not what I want to talk about. Work was fine, actually - as fine as fine can be. It's just the stuff that happened before that today.

This morning, I woke up really early, for some reason. It was kind of dark and grey and blue outside in the sky and for a second I thought that the street was so beautiful, and the road didn't look as grey and the sleepy air and the way someone's cat jumped from garage to garage was so calming that I wished it could never be anything else but morning.

It's in the morning when you don't think school and life and everything in the whole world and your daily routine is worth much. It's that time when you just think about perhaps living in the forest or only ever drinking hot chocolate in bookshops or lighting candles and doing nothing else, because sleepy, brightly dark mornings make you feel like that.

But then I looked away from the window and around my bedroom and everything was normal again, and the only nice thing that I could think of which has somehow become part of my normal routine was . . . Kale.

Just thinking of him asleep as I looked around the depressing walls of my bedroom made me feel like life really was worth living, in reality.

I didn't do much after I woke up. Honestly, I got back into bed and burrowed myself under the covers which radiated my body warmth from the night and then read Atonement for my English literature class.

It's kind of hard core. I got sucked into that for a while until I heard the kettle on downstairs and my heart leapt. Just the sound of bubbling water comforts me and makes my insides get all excited.

I think it's because I associate the sound with work, and the warm interior of the coffee shop and chatting to all the regular customers - the funny builders, the noisy mothers, the cynical sixth formers, the sweet old ladies. Also, it reminds me of being at Gram's, and having our fun story time.

God, I miss Gram so much, and the way she used to be, merely weeks ago. It wasn't that long ago, was it, when she was lovely and lively and telling me everything she knew?

I went downstairs into the kitchen to see who was making a brew, and it was mum. She looked like my mother for the first time in ages, not caked in make up and wearing a dress to impress, but wearing a soft-looking jumper and her hair in a simple pony-tail.

I didn't say anything, until she turned around and spoke to me.

She said, "Good morning."

"Good morning," I said.

I just stood and watched her, as she put a tea bag in a faded mug which I'd got her for Mother's Day when I was about ten, and then she poured the boiled water from the kettle in before looking over at me.

The rising sun which burst through the window made her eyes look silver. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I smiled and shrugged before slowly walking over to the counter and putting bread in the toaster. Actually, I couldn't keep the smile off my face; everything was so gloriously normal and my mum looked caring and calm and I was just overjoyed.

Then, we sat together and talked. Yes, talked! She asked me about Atonement, because I was still holding the book in my hand. I told her all about A Level English Lit and she listened with interest.

"I loved English when I was at school," she insisted as she sipped her tea. "We read ... Hmm, let me see. Emma, Othello . . . I'm trying to remember what else."

Lucy came down after that. Still in her pyjamas, like me. Just looking at her made me think of boys called Luke who I didn't know and bullying and buses and Christianna's desperate voice. I couldn't not think of it all.

"Hey, Luce," mum said. She hadn't called her that for ages. "Girls, we should do something today. Don't you think?"

"I've got work at four," I told her with a sigh.

"And what about before that? What are you doing, going out with Kale?" Lucy looked at me and sneered slightly. There was a mischievous glint in her eye.

It was enough to make my cheeks flare. I really didn't have any plans with Kale, but I had been sort of thinking about seeing if we could go somewhere together before my shift. I had thought it would be nice.

I glanced at my mother to see her staring at me with her perfectly threaded eyebrows raised. It made her forehead crease and then she grinned. "Kale? Kale from across the road?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, and I couldn't help but smile brightly. I twisted my mouth to try to stop, but couldn't at all.

"Oh! Well, we won't stop you, if you've got your boyfriend to see to." She laughed and looked at Lucy who just grinned placidly and wiggled her eyebrows up and down.

I rolled my eyes and tried to look serious but I was doing that embarrassed smile thing. "Oh, no. No, let's all do something together. What do you think?"

"Let's ... I don't know." Lucy laughed shortly then shrugged.

It was silent for a while and my heart was beating in this desperate way to try and think of something fast - I was scared suddenly the normal mum would come back and she wouldn't want us to do anything together.

All of a sudden, though, she said, "How about some retail therapy?" Of course, it was the simplest and best thing. Shopping with mum had always been enjoyable. It was as if during the time she was under the roof of a shopping centre the outside world and problems were forgotten and we became eachother's style experts. Then, as soon as we left after a long day of money-spending, she would become short-tempered and snappy once more.

That was before, though. Today, it seemed like she would be nice and excited all day.

And . . . She was. It was amazing, really. We all got in the car and sped down to the shopping centre in the middle of town. We went in every shop that we used to go in, in the days where mum would treat Lucy and I to days of glamour and style.

There was trying on sparkly dresses in Monsoon, looking at the fashionable scarves and accessories in Forever 21 (then trying on a whole hoard of clothes), spaying perfume left right and centre in Selfridges, and getting a free hair thing done in Debenhams because they were promoting new hair curlers. My hair is still full of lush ringlets and smelling of sweet hair detangler. Demi always says she hates the smell of that stuff, but maybe because I'm not used to the smell and it makes me feel rich and glamourous, I love it.

I hated how short our time felt. I was nothing but angry when we had to drive home because I had to put my uniform on and go out to work.

But anyway, I'm so full of hope right now. I don't know whathas brought this out of mum' maybe it's Gram in hospital or maybe she's had some random epiphany. I don't care. It's just so good to feel like this for a change that I don't want to question it.

Kelsea x