ALEXANDER HAMILTON: a horrible retelling

Chapter 1: Who IS Alexander Hamilton?

Now, Alexander Hamilton is one crazy white dude sometimes, just like everyone else in that time. But I mean let me tell you who he is. I could just copy and paste the Wikipedia page, but I'll tell you on my own.

Using the Wikipedia page as reference.

Okay so, he was an American statesman and also one of the founding fathers. Why not mothers? Sexism.

He was Washington's righthand man and helped him write some shit that he couldn't do himself. A lot of people liked him but a lot didn't like him. Like Aaron burr, but we'll talk about A-A-ron later.

He was born out of wedlock, because his mother apparently wasn't too smart because the dad fucking made it to where she couldn't get married again without probably going to JAIL. WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

Oh he was a Scotsman too. Because i dont know why not

Anyways, his dad was like "You know what, fuck you susan. I'm leaving and you can't get married." And then the mom was like

"Well fuck, guess I'll die because of a fever." And so she did and Alex was all like

"OH FUCK NOW I'M ALONE. SHIT."  So Alex went with his cousin and lived with that dude for a while but the cousin killed himself. And Alex again was like

"Oh fuck not again, well off I go, I'll sell some shit so I can go to somewhere besides this hellhole." So he goes away from his dead cousin and goes to this dude named Thomas Stevens, he gave him a place to live because everyone he loved was gone or dead. I don't know about his brother no one cares about that little shit.

So he lives with this Thomas dude, and there was a possibility of Thomas being his real dad but no one gave a shit. Thomas's son became Alex's bestest buddy of all time and they looked alike and both were fluent in french. So everyone assumed the whole biological father thing. But nothing was really proven.

So Alex was still a clerk and he read a shit ton of books, and he really wanted to move away from the Caribbean, because of a hurricane. So he wrote this letter thing and was like "okay, fuck you all. Alexander, OUT."