Moments

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Moments

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Divorced. The state that my parents were in.

Depression. It's how I always feel.

Dread. Nothing will ever inspire me to live now.

The three dreaded words that kept running through my mind all day. My mom and dad are planning a divorce, I always fail in everything I do and lastly, I lost the inspiration to live. I was dead in my mind. I was a plain, clumsy, girl. I could never get anything right. I was a nothing. How could a nothing like me be allowed to be born? There is no will to live for me. I just want to die.

No one loved me.

I have no friends.

I'm alone.

It always makes everything harder.

I just want to die.

If I could have turned back time, would anyone love me?

Nah, I'm a nothing..

No one will ever love me.

***

I looked at the sky. Pointing out the stars, recognizing the constellations. They said there was going to be a meteor shower today and I prepared my wishes.

1. Don't let my parents be divorced.

2. Let me have a friend.

3. Let someone love me.

4. Let me be who I want to be.

5. Let everyone be happy.

I had wishes. 5 wishes at most. Even though the required was 50. I couldn't care less.

Minutes passed, hours came. The meteor shower was nowhere to be seen. The moon didn't even shine. The sky was clouded. Just like my mind. My life, my soul.

I wish this wasn't the life God gave me. I wish I was a different person with a different life and with lucky ways. I wish I had a single friend I could tell my problems on. I wish I was loved. I wish I could be the person I want to be but I couldn't because everything in my life is blocking me. I just wanted to breathe the moments where everything I want and desire was what I'm looking at now. But looking back in my life, I was born. I wish they just missed the fact to make love. I wish they just watched a TV drama and cuddle with each other because my mom was crying popcorns. But no, they just made me and made my life miserable.

I couldn't feel the pain anymore. I was used to it. So used to it. It was non-existent. But I knew deep in my heart, there was that pain nagging in me. All my depressed thought vanished to death. They died. They left.

I gave up on the hope of seeing meteor showers tonight. I went back inside and threw the paper on the side. Not caring whether it messes my room. I couldn't care anymore. I brushed my teeth and combed my hair, wore uncomfortable pajamas and went to my bed and slept. Letting my brain rest from all the stress life is giving me.

***

I woke up to the noise of screaming, shouting and glass and plates shattering on the other side of my room. I ignored the noise and went back to sleep, but no, I couldn't. I went up and looked at the clock. 6:30 in the morning. I went out and went to where the noise was coming from.

I slid the door open and felt my face shift into a shocked expression. My mother was crying endlessly and was the source of all the shattered glasses on the floor while my dad was packing. I guess today was the day we head to the court.