My Life has not been an easy life. Specifically, the last two years. I lost a favorite Aunt, one who often was more mother than aunt. I spent six months cleaning out her life's passion-her collections, her artistic creations and secrets in the dark corners of her home. As I cleaned, sorted and donated, my father thought the house would be good to purchase for us to make our home. I began to paint update and make her home my own. My dad applied for a mortgage and then had a massive heart attack! I lost two dear people in 6 months! My world was empty; I was devastated!
We moved in without being able to finance it, hoping that there was enough money in Dad's estate to purchase the house with cash. I worked hard trying to clean and decorate to make this a sanctuary for our family, but that was not to be. We celebrated Thanksgiving there, and then, my life completely fell apart! I The house became my worst nightmare, my prison on Earth!
I would find no more joy fewer moments of shared jubilation. No longer a sanctuary but an empty shell of a home! Much the same way I thought of myself! No family gathering to eat and play together. Sounds of my soul screaming out in anger. NO NOT ANGER, BUT AGONY!
Betrayal by the one I had vowed to love "in sickness and in health", now my whole world lay in ruins! My family devastated. The depths of despair I felt, unworthiness I felt to be loved. I had lost all. Lost. . . Everything I had thought marriage to be based on lies! Dating sights, craigslist post, adult profiles! I had lost two special people and now my marriage!
I spiralled into a dark abyss of depression. Things that had brought me joy no longer did. I became suspicious of everything he did. I became a screaming bitch! I had to decide do I stay or go? I chose to stay, but I don't think I will ever forget, but I am trying to forgive. The pain is still there in my heart!
So, I am trying to find my happiness and self esteem. And to continue to live life in a way to please God!
