Forlorn Cognition | sanji x reader |

[ sanji x reader]

Warning: Contains Spoilers. Swearing. Angst.

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Lips sealed, I carefully slipped out of the stifling bed and gathered some clothes for an unprecedented bath. With the door shut and locked behind me, I rapidly filled the tub, boiling water saturating my skin and bringing the air to a sweltering degree.

In solitude, like glass breaking, I shattered the cage that confined my rampant feelings for a future I had foretold. Screaming under the water with my breath leaving my lungs hastily, I gripped my hair and tugged, trying to bring some form, any form, of feeling into my body other than this pain.

This future was a mask of hope and happiness. It was mockingly peaceful. It was nice until the mask was torn away and the face was revealed. The secret anguish and loneliness that was locked away.

(The abusive family.

The degrading power-smitten eyes.

The unloved.)

Bursting up from under the water, my skin burning, I slapped my hands over my mouth to silence the inevitable sobbing and hacking of coughs as tears fell from my eyes and my nose dribbled.

Feeling a wave of remorse, I dug my nails into my back and tugged upwards. The skin and blood tearing from my body and dying the water crimson remained unnoticed as scenes replayed and filled my mind.

I couldn't breathe when–

(Luffy found him, completely exhausted.

Though he cursed our name, our family, Luffy still refused to fight him.

As Luffy got back up.

'The more you kicked me... the harder you kicked me...I wasn't feeling that pain!!!'

'Without you... I won't... I CAN'T BECOME THE PIRATE KING!!!

The hunger strike.)

The numbing pain as my friends, nakama, cried. As he truly showed his broken pieces, when the truth of his heart was exposed, it swallowed me in.

('I've decided to quit struggling and go with the flow.'

'I lived in pure hell. I've returned to that hell now.'

'But during the thirteen years I was away... I was greeted with a life style that allowed me to be incredibly happy.'

'Everyone I met during that time... they're all my saviours.

'My only wish I could disappear from all their lives without hurting a single one of them.

'My adventure must... come to an end here!

As he talked to her, spilling his true and pure heart out.

'You... are my only "saviour" ...')

Washing my eyes from the stinging tears, I restrained my emotional state and forcefully tried to calm my mind but I couldn't help trailing back to him. He had been holding this back from us this whole time as we dealt with everyone else's problems. He was...alone.

Draining the water and making sure everything looked normal, I bandaged my back as accurately as I could with Chopper's spare first-aid he leaves in the bathroom. Wincing, I tugged on my clothes. Certain that it looked like I didn't experience another vision from the curse of my fruit, I cleaned my teeth. After airing the room out and letting my towel to hang outside, I quickly made my way to the dining room for breakfast.