Love Yours(Interracial)

Introduction

I wake up and eat some eggs, a yogurt, and a few slices of melon
in an attempt to change my life
after all it is that or death
I won't hold my breath

It's a beautiful day to head to the mall
with a friend
I already know where this is going

Hmm
I like that shirt
Oops, this store doesn't offer plus size
On to the next..
I really like these jeans..
Forty five dollars for a size sixteen?
What a fuck!

Since I refuse to let Lane Bryant fuck my wallet in the ass
I decide to head to Barnes and Noble instead
I accidentally bumped into a lady and her baby stroller as I walked past and she mumbled
"Fat bitch" under her breath
Yes that's what she said
I didn't even turn my head
Because that's what the lady said
and that's what society says
and instead of trying to explain it's just
easier to walk away
it's the self hatred after I dread

So I buy a whole pizza and eat the entire fucking thing
and it is beyond delicious
though the guilt I feel afterwards wasn't worth it
and vomitting that shit up was viscous

Even when I was a little girl I dreamed of being thin
I dreamed of being a model
I dreamed of having a flat tummy
Just to fit in
I didn't like the belly I had
or the fat in my cheeks
I was the only kid in gym that could never climb the rope
and that began a string of anxiety attacks
that would last for weeks

The doctor calls it insulin resistance
which leaves me with the inability to lose weight
but I shouldn't have to explain to anyone my condition
I just shouldn't have to explain
not to mention the ovarian disease that cripples me to my knees
which so happens to be genetic
and mimics the blood of a diabetic
leaving me incurable
a medical mystery
not to mention infertility
so for me
children are just a dream

Although I tell myself
that I am beautiful
and that I am intelligent
and that I am funny
and that I am a hard worker
and that I am successful
and that I am caring
and that I am loving
and that I am daring
and that I am the best damn friend a person could ever have
To a stranger I'm just a "fat bitch"
and you know what?
That makes me really fucking pissed!

Sin'Aneka Davis is a 21 year old photographer and author living in the deep country of  Georgia. She a plus size female who doesn't love her body and decides to keep it cover. Most men believe she is very beautiful but due to the person that stares back at her in the mirror she doesn't believe it. Can Sin'Aneka over come these insecurities and love herself or will she always hate the person she is.