How It could have been

- Re:Zero Fanfiction - Loop 1 - Rem

Crusch extended her hand to Subaru, hesitating slightly Subaru reached out and grasp her hand, squeezing it firmly he forced a smile.

[Crusch] Now.. I shall leave. to take our wounded and the Whale's carcass to the capital. But it would appear you still have a duty to attend to.

The memories swam before Subaru's eyes again, all the villagers bodies lieing dead and helpless in heaps all around the village. Then his thoughts drifted up to the Mansion where Ram attempted to safeguard the children.... his resolve was fading fast, he told himself that once the whale was dead he would be stronger, his resolve would be greater, but now...something had changed.

[Crusch] Subaru!?

[Subaru] Oh... yea I guess I do... sorry I just cant shake this ill feeling that there is something I missed.

[Crusch] Missed? what do you mean Subaru

[Subaru] Nothing, forget it, sorry I need to get ready, until we meet again.

Subaru once again firmly gripped Crusch's hand, she returned the gesture with a puzzled smile on her face.

[Crusch] You are an interesting one Subaru, good luck!

Subaru turned his back to Crusch and as he walked back toward the group of wounded soldiers his mind raced forward in time. How many times now, how many more times would he have to watch those he loved die, how many more times would he try and fail, was it worth it, and why was it worth it? Tears started to form near the furthest corners of his eyes as he remembered them, the dead reborn, the forgotten, it crashed over him like a wave with such force that his legs almost gave out. Stumbling slightly Subaru stopped moving and tried to force his mind back into the present.

[Rem] Subaru..

Subaru's eyes darted in the direction of the sound, the terrors of his mind receded at her voice. Rem sat near the end of the closest row of wounded smiling up at Subaru with a pained expression that conveyed the tired relief of a well fought battle and the sorrow of a battle beaten heart.

[Rem] Subaru, whats wrong?

Rems expression changed slightly seeing the beginnings of tears reflecting in Subaru's eyes. A sharper expression of longing crossed her tired face and she made to get up and go to Subaru.

[Ferris] No!

Ferris reached out a hand and put it on Rem shoulder.

[Ferris] Nyow is not the time to be jumping up, your body and your mana are both drained, rest.

Subaru quickly ran to Rems side, dropping to his knees beside her and grabbing the hand she had just returned to her lap, he looked deep into her startled eyes..

[Subaru] Rem..... I am so sorry...

[Rem] Don't worry about me Subaru you have nothing to be sorry about.

Rem smiled brightly and turned once again made to get up, but collapsed into Subaru's arms.

[Subaru] Rem, you must stay behind

The tears that had formed in Subaru's eyes began to grow.

[Rem] Subaru-kun.....

Rem spoke softly into Subaru's chest

[Ferris] Rem, as a healing user I cannot let you continue to fight, you need to rest.

Ferris ears twitched as a distant voice called his name.

[Ferris] Subaru keep her safe, I will return when I can.

Subaru nodded at Ferris, then he turned his attention to Rem who was now crying into his chest and clutching the edges of coat.