A few months later....
'Things are really getting better for once' I thought to myself as I lay in bed with a timied smile. A few months ago I could barely go a night without taking a blade to my skin but now I only cut once or twice a week and there no where near as bad as they used to be either. I may still be sad most of the time but at least its no where near as bad as I used to be. 'I wish I was brave enough to let mikey know how much he means to me; hes my everything, I need him' I thought as I turned on my side. 'goodnight Mikey, love you' I said closing my eyes I drifted off into a calm, peaceful sleep.
I was meeting mikey later on today at some point so i woke up brushed my teeth and all that. After I was all ready to go I texted mikey to meet me in 1 hour in town. In town we got Starbucks and sat outside in the heat and talked however Mikey looked rather upset and I didn't know what to say I pretended like I didn't notice. I hate it when he's sad and not him self because if he's upset I'm upset. I can't stand to see him sad. I will try cheer him up just by talking to him. So I began making shit up that isn't even half true, but it made him laugh so that counts for something, right?
Maybe of i told him how his eyes sparkle like the stars in the night sky and how sweet and lovely he is. How his hugs make me feel at home, like I belong somewhere for once. How still after mouths of being with him I still get butterfly's. How he makes me glad I'm alive. Would that make him feel better? its hard to know how to make someone feel better when you don't know why they are sad in the first place. I wish I could just be brave enough to tell him that or even ask why he was upset. Of course me being me a stupid pathetic fuck up I kept quite and continued to make make him laugh.
Finshing the coffee we headed back to his house (for more coffee). Back at Mikeys house we sat in his room while he mentioned a bunch of films I had never even heard of never mind seen. 'What about this one?' he ask while holding up the DVD of resident evil 'nope' Mikey sighed while shaking his head 'well, we will watch this one because this ones really awesome okay?' he said putting setting it up 'alrightly' I replied while I lay down on his bed getting comfy. Once the film was playing we cuddled into each other and payed attention to the film. I could lie innocently in bed with him all day. Resting my head on his bear chest listening to the sound of his heart while my hand traces his tummy. I wish I could do this everyday, talking to another, watching some dumb TV show or just lying in silence is lovely. Anythings lovely with him.
I think I might be in love with Mikey. Which is weird because I've never loved anyone befpre so how do I even know that I love him? i don't know but from what ive heard this is what it feels like. Wanting to be with him all the time and feeling at home when he towers over me with his arms around me. Not to mentioned the butterfly's staring at him when his not looking and constly thinking about him and what he is doing and feeling. Its overwhelming to say the least. Of course its not like that all the time sometimes my heart feels like its sinking into the deep depths of the ocean and my stomach collapses in on it'self. In fact other times I couldn't hate mikey anymore if I tried but its not because of anything he has done, in just not just to liking someone. I guess that just too much for me to handle and it turns to hate. Mikey is perfect and I love him more then anything in the world. I'd do anything just to make him smile. The best thing about him is that Mikey doesn't focus on my many flaws. Somehow he manages to find good things about myself that I never noticed. Even though I'm still a mess he makes me forget that when hes with me. I don't know, hes sweet and there's not one single thing wrong with him. His perfection makes me angry too but i love it. Its the good kind of angry, like when someone throws a surprise party even though you hate surprises and don't like attention. You still love the fact that they went to all that trouble just for you.
The film had ended and it was almost time for we to get the metro home. 'I have to leave in a few minutes' I sighed and reached over for my shoes 'okays I shall walk you the the metro and shit' he smiled handing me my shoes before reaching for his own. 'Thanks' I smiled Mikey smiled back and stood up and checked him self in the mirror. 'Perfect' I told him and we both laughed and walked out his house after saying goodbye to his family.
At the metro station I had to wait 5 minutes for the metro to arrive. Me and Mikey spend the time hugging to keep warm and we talked to pass the time. 1 minute left and I didn't want to go. I just wanted to stay hugging him just for 2 more minutes. Unfortunately the metro arrived and he kissed my goodbye. 'Don't get raped or murdered' he laughed. He told me that nearly every time I left on the metro, this was because every time I go out my dad tells me that I could get raped or killed on the metro if I was alone. Me and Mikey found that sorta funny, stupid I know but it was funny to us at least. As the metro left the station and Mikey made his way back home I watched him until he was out of sight, then I stared out at the floor until it was my stop.
