Reading This Simple, Complicated Love

I read his words. I reread and reread the words he wrote. I read the words that he spoke. I thought I might have read his thoughts, too. I wondered if I what I read was him. If I read him. If I knew him like I thought. His smile spread happiness and I couldn't stop staring, as I wondered if he knew of the joy it brought. I listened to his laugh and laughed along. His touch flowed through me and I remember the feeling. I remembered when he sang. I try to remember each song. His eyes told me stories that I couldn't explain and I wondered if I was reading them correctly. If the book was what I thought it was. I wondered if he saw me staring. I wondered if he saw me. I wondered if he knew, and I wondered if I knew, too. He was so delicate, yet so strong. He was an idiot, yet so very smart. He was a breeze and a fire. He was a star and a snowflake. He was the Sun and the moon. Most of all, he was the ocean and I was caught at the sight of each wave. I saw his currents and was scared whether or not he'd let me drown or float. I didn't want to sink, so I tried to swim. Yet, I somehow kind of was like ocean, too, and I wondered if he saw me. He was a forest and I was lost in the woods with a map. Yet, I was like the forest, too, and but I didn't know if I was on his map. I was a girl. He was a boy. We were so alike, yet so different. I could never really tell. I couldn't really tell if his thoughts were the words that came from his mouth or the words that I saw through his eyes. I was curious to know the truth, yet scared to find out. I needed to know, yet I needed to wait. I didn't want to sink or be forgotten in the forest, but maybe I could float and maybe he would be hiding behind me. Sometimes I thought I might hate him, but I know I love him. I know that, whether it's deep inside or on the surface. That is as long as he hadn't forgotten. I want him to remember and I want to remember, too. But I like how it is complicated. I don't know whether he thinks of this, yet I think I hope he does. He seems to understand, but I don't know if he knows the truth. I think I know him and I wonder if I do. He was the waves of up and down. I liked how sometimes he never was direct, yet I think I knew. Do I? His waves were up and down. I would crash and surface. I couldn't not go on his beach or forest, but I couldn't get too deep and I couldn't loose the map. I couldn't ever let him sink me, but I couldn't let him drown, either. I loved him, but I didn't want him to change me. I loved him if he loved me. I couldn't let him go, but I wanted to hold on. I wanted to hold on as long he did, too. Sometimes I hated him, but then he'd do something and I knewI loved him. I never got over him and I didn't ever want to as long he answered back. My mind would think of him, but I would force myself to stop if he drown me. He may wait to ever tell me whether or not I can swim, but if he doesn't let me drown I may still love his waves. I don't know if I love him because I don't know if he loves me. This isn't because I don't truly love him. This is because I love what I think he is. What I think I see. What I think I read him as. But I don't if I'm right. I hope this complicated thing stays complex, but I hope that it holds truth that I think that I hope is there.

Ilysm💘