fanboy ↦ michael clifford {au}

fourteen: careless

CHAPTER FOURTEEN:

| belle’s pov |

I took a deep breath and tried to answer his question, but nothing was coming out of my mouth. I actually didn’t know what to say.

No, wait. I knew what to answer; I just didn’t know if that was what I should tell him. I didn’t know if it was the right thing.

“Are you there?” His voice inquired, trying to see if I was even listening to him. 

I heard his question crystal clear, but I couldn’t find it in my heart to truthfully answer. I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t want to disappoint him either.

But I was tired of doing everything he wanted. I wasn’t his slave or anything; I simply loved him, that’s all. That was why I went here– because he told me to do him a favor. 

What was I supposed to do? Turn him down? 

I should have, but I couldn’t.

“Belle?” He called and that was when I realized how long it’s been since we’ve last spoken with each other like this. It’s been a long time since we’ve talked about the two of us.

“Sorry, yeah?” 

I heard him heave a sigh of relief. “Do you?” He asks, for a second time. I knew what he wanted to hear, but I also knew what the truth was. 

I bit my tongue, contemplating on what to answer. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I replied, “No, I don’t.”

At the end of the day, his happiness was what mattered to me. It’s what he thought that was important, not what I felt. That was all because I still loved him.

I could feel it– he’s glad that I said that. I made the right choice then. Saying yes would make things more complicated; he might leave me for good.

Whatever we were, I was content with it. If this was the only way for me to be able to still stay by his side, then I’d do it. Even if that meant hurting myself in the process.

“That’s good,” he remarked, cheerily. It was like he hurt me in the most careless way possible. The only difference was that he didn't know that I was, in fact, lying. But I don't want him to know– he won't know.

I held back a shaky breath; I never thought it would hurt as much, but it did. 

I still forced a reply out of my mouth, even if it was just barely a whisper, “Yeah.”