Chapter 1: Burns

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Burns. A lot of people have them. I even have them.
Most people get the from sports like basketball when you fall on the floor, or when you are sliding down a rope. But mine isn't from sports or any ropes.

Mine is from a lighter. A lighter that you use to light up a cigarette, or maybe a candle. For me I watch my skin burn, turn red until I start to feel the pain. More and more pain. I wave it up and down my arm hoping for something "magical" to happen.

Yes I know magic isn't real. But I believe in it. The magic of my dad coming back, or maybe my life getting a tiny bit better. But how would I know. I bet I have a great life compared to kids with no parents, no clothes, no home, no food, now I sound like a desperate bitch that needs attention.

The feeling of the burning of my skin is sensational. It feels nice at the beginning, stings when it's heating up and then after awhile you can't feel anything anymore because your skin is burnt good. Most kids that are "suicidal" that I know cut themselves. Which some do it for attention. People ask me "why do you have burn marks on you?" Or something like "why does your skin look like that? I don't think that is healthy." I usually answer with "trying to learn more about makeup" or "doing a art project on my arm" Most people role their eyes and walk away.

Seeing the people you care about leave you hurts. Your family, friends, the person you are dating. It hurts. Learning that the first guy you have ever dated likes another girl who happens to be your ex-girlfriend. She was always the selfish one. I was the athletic one. She thought she was ugly until I told her many times she wasn't. More and more she learned that she was beautiful. Then she started acting like she was sexy, hot, the most desirable person you would want, but this wasn't true at this point. No one wanted her. I started to back away. She was a ticking time bomb. Waiting for someone to say the right thing. I didn't want to go down without fighting. She wasn't worth the pain she was putting me through. So I broke up with her. When I did it she told me that she had been cheating on me the entire time. That bitch. Not really. She was a kind, sweet girl who had potential..... until she turned into a slut. Not trying to be rude but it's the truth.

*knock knock*

I leave my deep stare realizing there is someone behind me. My stupidity left my door wide open. "Winnifred what is this? Why are you burning youself?" I turn around to see my mother in my doorway looking scared. "Don't worry I can't feel it.... anymore." I say with a grin on my face. Next thing I know is I feel a hand grabbing the object in my hand. "You won't do this anymore Win! You promised me last time!" She walks away with my lighter.

I lay back on my bed. I think "why wasn't I good enough?" I day dream about the amazing life I could of had with him. I turn to my side to see what time it is. "5:39 pm" I think to myself. "Alright what can I do with myself before I go to bed." I say to myself. I turn myself so I'm laying on my back again. I stare at my ceiling. It's white, has the sharp bubbles that will pop a balloon easy, a small hole that it's diameter wouldn't be able to fit my pinky finger in, and a small brown spot that has been here since my mom and I moved in. I've always tried to fit my pinky finger in the hole in my ceiling but I've never actually made it in all the way.

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⏰ Last updated: Oct 11, 2017 ⏰

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