Getting to Normal

Chapter 1

3/24/15
Dear Journal,
Today has been easier... At least a little bit.. My mother didn't start drinking until noon today. Which is a big step from starting when she just wakes up. She's trying to get over her breakup with my dad. [a] I don't see why she has to get over it though, he left her for some slut that is half his age. I just don't see why she has to get over him if he doesn't even think about her anymore.
Other than that, at school today, I only got half the stares that I usually get. Everyone thinks that I'm different because of what happened to my brother. Everyone is careful about what they say around me. I know that it just happened a couple weeks ago, but I wasn't that close to him so I'm already over it. I don't see why they can't get over it too. Maybe that's part of the reason my dad left. We reminded him too much of the son he used to have. [b]
Alexa drags herself out of bed the next morning dreading going to school. "Another day, same old people" She [c]tells herself. She knows she is still going to get stares. None of that is going to change just because she finally took her therapist's advice and wrote it down in a journal. It did make her feel a little bit better though. Alexa walks over to her closet to find something to wear. It won't be that much different from what she has worn all week, all[d] school year to be exact. A black tee-shirt and dark wash jeans. She grabs a jacket and rushes to the bathroom to get there before her younger sister Carly does. [e]If she were to get in there first, Alexa would have about 2[f] minutes to get ready. She rushes through her routine of brushing her hair and teeth and putting on a little makeup, just so that she doesn't look like a complete vampire.
"Carly! If you aren't awake, you better be now! I'm out of the bathroom and if you aren't ready I'm leaving without you!" Of course it's just one of the many threats Alexa yells that she never actually follows up on. Carly runs down the stairs almost falling face first[g] and rushes to the kitchen. Alexa follows her in. Neither of them ever eat breakfast and Alexa knows Carly isn't ready for school yet. She sees her rummaging through the fridge looking for something.
"What are you looking for, Carly?" Alexa asks a little curiously.
"I put a homemade face mask in here last night so I could use it this morning,[h] but I can't find it. Have you seen it?" Sometimes Alexa wonders if Carly even knows who she is sometimes. "When was the last time you've seen me open a refrigerator?" Aside from not eating breakfast, Alexa only eats when she absolutely has to. She knows her mom eats a lot of food and she also knows that they don't have enough money to afford for her mom to eat a lot and for her to eat.[i] Carly knows this but chooses to ignore it. It might ruin her reputation at school. "You're right, maybe momma has seen it. Is she awake yet?" Carly is sometimes not very bright in the common sense department. There mom hasn't been up at 6:30 since there[j] dad was here.
After what seems like forever, Carly finally gives up on trying to find her face mask and runs upstairs to finish getting ready. Alexa decides to look on Facebook while she waits and turns on the computer. All down her news feed is [k]stuff about her brother and how he will be missed. Tanner was just like Carly. Popular, blonde and sometimes, not too smart. [l]Alexa never really got along with either of them. She was the one in the family that was not like the others. She decided she had had enough and logged out of Facebook. If she didn't, her mom or sister would probably post something to embarrass her and she really didn't need that right now. Not after she has been making progress with the amount of stares she gets from everyone at school. She decides to write in her journal instead.[m]
3/25/15
Dear journal,
If you had one wish, What[n] would it be? Mine would be to just go back in time and stop my brother from dying. I don't know how I would do that but if I could, I would. Not because we were all that close or anything, but because I don't like all the stares from everyone. Not just the kids at school. But the teachers at school, the people at the store, the people at the mall, all of them. [o]They just need to stop staring! Yes, my brother died. No, I'm not going to have a nervous break down in public where everyone can see. That is called attention seeking[p]. And if I wanted attention, I would have asked for it.
I don't even know why they stare anymore. Like, yes, my brother is dead so why are you staring at me? It's not like I'm going to die because my brother did. I'm the normal one in the family. Stare at someone who wants to be stared at. Like, Carly or something. Just not me. If you draw attention to me, you will be sorry for what you find.
Alexa hurries and shoves her book in her bag just as Carly comes jumping down the stairs. "You ready to go? I have to be there early to meet up with some friends so we can study before our first final." Alexa follows Carly out of the door, locking it behind her. Not because they have anything worth stealing, her father took all that stuff with him,  just out of habit. [q]
It's a silent ride to school. The two girls never really had much to talk about. And every time a song would come on the radio, one of them would ask the other to change the station. They just don't have that much in common. After what seems like an eternity, Alexa finally pulls into her usual parking spot in the far corner at the back of the school. "Carly! Wait! Remember, I have a therapy session after school today so I can't drive you home. Find a ride or walk, okay?"
Carly gives her the thumbs up as she walks towards the front of the school to meet up with her friends.
Alexa grabs her bag from the back seat and rushes out of the car into the school before anyone really notices who she is. Before she can even get to her locker on the second floor, almost everyone she passes by knows who she is and starts whispering to the person next to them. You would think after a couple of weeks they would run out of things to say about her, but with all the rumors going around, I guess they find something new to say about her everyday.
One of the counselors stops Alexa in the hallway and asks to see her in his office when she has the chance. She nods and keeps walking, pretending she is late for something. He knows she isn't but that she just likes to get to first hour before too many people show up and start to tell her how sorry they are for her loss. What Alexa doesn't understand is, if people understand that she goes to class just to dodge people, then why don't they just leave her alone and go back to the way things were?[r] She rushes to her locker and shoves her backpack in and takes out her biology book. First hour is on the 4th floor so she doesn't have to go back down to the lobby where all the popular people hang out and get bombarded with a bunch of questions.
Mr. Henry unlocks the door to the biology lab just as soon as Alexa turns the corner. She rushes into the room and takes her seat at the back of the classroom. They don't have assigned seats because they get to pick their partners everyday but she sits in the same seat all year round. She tries to convince herself that if she sits in the back of the class, people will forget she is there and will stop talking about her. It hasn't worked out yet, but she hopes someday it wil[s]l. That she will just absorb into the wall and disappear.
Alexa pulls out her journal and starts writing until the bell rings. She knows Mr. Henry won't bother her, because nobody ever does. Not since her brother died. [t]
3/25/15
Dear journal,
Is it bad to wish that I could just absorb into the wall and just stay there. Everyone would ask where I went for a little bit, but would anyone really miss me[u]? Of course, if my sister were to be absorbed into the wall, everyone would miss her. But I am not my sister. I am the nobody that people only know because my brother died. That's a great high school reputation, don't you think? Being remembered because of someone else. Like 20 years later, "Hey you remember that upper classmen that died? Oh yeah, the one with the two sisters, Alexa and Carly" Yeah, I think I would rather just not be remembered at all.
The bell rang and she could hear the feet of maybe 30 students coming up the stairs to stare off into space and pretend to learn. [v]The room quickly filled with people who had already heard the new rumor going around that Alexa tried to kill herself the other night. Which, Alexa doesn't even know how that rumor started because she has never once had the urge to take her own life. No, leave that job to her brother. [w]
The second bell rang and everyone rushed to get a seat with their friends so they wouldn't have to be lab partners with Alexa. Almost everyone had their partners for the day, when everyone stops what they are doing and turns to look at the door. Standing in the doorway is a rare sight. A [x]new student. Most people that go to Roman High School have gone there their whole lives. Only a few students have moved there in the past 10 [y]years. Let alone in the middle of the school year.
The final bell rang and there was only one seat left. Alexa panicked for a minute. 1.) because there was new kid and she is horrible with talking to people she didn't know and 2.) He wasn't bad looking and didn't know anything about her. This[z] could be the new start she was looking for. If she just made one friend, people would look at her less and less, until one day, they hopefully stopped looking at her all together. Alexa [aa]decided she was going to smile at him and move her notebook and biology book out of the way so he could have half the table. Maybe that would make him feel more welcome to sit by her. In the process of scooting it over, she drops her book on the floor with a loud thud. She bent down and picked it up. New kid rushed to the seat[ab] and sat down. Mr. Henry noticed him right away because he knows that nobody sits by Alexa,[ac] unless they have to. An[ad]d nobody has ever had to yet. "Woul[ae]d you like to introduce yourself or should I?" Complete[af] silence from new kid about Mr. Henry's question."I'm[ag] warning you that I tell every detail I know when I introduce someone" Mr. Henry had a way for getting people to do what he wanted.
New kid stood up and walked to the front of the classroom. He obviously didn't know that Mr. Henry knows nothing about him. Not even his name. "[ah]I'm Cody, I moved here from Wyoming. My parents moved me here because I got kicked out of my other school. And all the other schools around where we lived. We are living in my cousin's old house for now, they moved into our house to be closer to the rest of the family but looking for a place to buy." [ai]Nobody knew what to say. No one had ever been that honest with them.[aj] Especially not on their first day, first hour. "Is that what's in my file? Or is there more about my juvie record?" Cody started laughing. Nobody knew what to do.[ak] "I'm kidding!" Everyone loosened up a little bit.[al] "I don't have a juvie record and I only got kicked out of one school. And that was because of a senior prank that I helped pull off." Everyone was so relieved to hear that that they all started bursting out laughing. Alexa knew that this kid was different. She kind of liked it. Someone else at this school who isn't like everyone else. Moving against the crowd instead of with it.
Cody walked back to the seat in the back and pulled out a notebook. "You aren't a senior, are you? This is a Sophomore class." Alexa had so many questions but she decided to ask them at the right time. "Why do you think I got kicked out and nobody else did?" Alexa gave a little laugh. She was starting to like this guy even more. He had no clue who she was and he was funny. The only thing she had to do now was keep him away from the popular people. "So, you know my name and everything about me. How about we start with your name and work our way up?" Alexa was a little confused for a moment, then got what he was asking. "I'm Alexa. You're my first lab partner this year. I'm not very good at working with others, but I'll try." Cody grabbed a pen from his bag and sat ready to listen to whatever Mr. Henry was saying at the front of the class.
        When Mr. Henry finally gave out the assignment there was only about half the class time left to finish. Alexa was afraid that she wouldn't get it done and they would have to stay after. She couldn't afford to miss another therapy session. Next time she missed, she would have to switch therapists. She has gotten so used to this one that she was scared to start back at the bottom. Alexa tried her best to describe to Cody what they had been working on for the past couple of weeks. She had never been the best at explaining things but he seemed to get what she was talking about. They only had about 10 minutes to work by the time he was all caught up. Cody suggested they just work on it all right after school. Alexa had to decline. "Could we work a little later tonight? I have stuff I have to do right after school. I can't really miss it. It's important. How about the library at 8?" She got done with her therapy session at 5:30 and the library was just across the street, so she could just hang out around there until 8. Avoid going home at all costs. "That sounds like a plan." Alexa was glad that Cody was so quick to agree with that plan. Since the assignment was due tomorrow.
The rest of the morning was as smooth as any other day. Alexa got stares in the hallway. But this time because she met the new kid and because of her brother. She was really hoping he hadn't heard about what happened. He would never work with her if he did. She really needed a partner for this assignment. She was kind of glad Cody was here. At lunch Alexa spotted Cody sitting by himself in the lunchroom. He saw her to and waved her over. So he hadn't heard what happened.  She was so relieved. "So, since you came over without looking in any other direction, I assume you sit alone at lunch too?" He knew so much about Alexa just by her body language. It kind of scared her. To think that someone was staring at her to see how she would react to it. "Yeah, I don't really have a lot of friends here." She really didn't want to get into why she didn't have any friends so she tried to drop the subject. Just as she was about to say something, Cody said something instead. "Did you move here recently too?" She was really hoping he didn't ask that question. He was so open about everything that she would feel bad if she wasn't just as open. "No, I just don't fit in with anybody here. They are all preppies and jocks, and I am wearing a band tee-shirt. They got into a discussion about the music they listen to and found out they had a lot in common. They decided to wear band tee's tomorrow and see how many of the songs from that band the other one could name.
Lunch was over sooner than Alexa wanted it to be and she waited for Cody to walk away first. He seemed to know where he was going. Which was odd because he had no clue where he was going. He just knew that if he didn't get up first, they were both going to be late. He turned around to ask Alexa where his next class was but she was gone.