I met him sometime in the beginning of june, 2012. We met on omegle, yeah might not be the best place to meet but hey that moment changed my life. I just got out of the mental hospital maybe only 2 months before, my dad drove me up to live with my Mom late may in The Bay Area. Okay, enough about me. Let me continue on him. So we met on omegle and we started talking on kik. At first I honestly just thought he was annoying but two weeks later he kikd me again. We started talking almost every day, we got really close. I remember when I was on my way to dance classes I would text him until the last second I could, then the whole time I would think about him and as soon as I got out I would text him.
During the time I was talking to him I had a special friend, um lets call him J I don't want to say his name. So one night I went to his house and he wanted to have sex with me but I didn't want to. Mind you, at the time I was 12 and he was 19. Basically I didn't want to do it so I went home and never spoke to him again. That day was also June 31st. When I got home I told Tim (that is the guy this story is about name) what happened I think it made him feel really bad. So we talked until the wee hours of the night and he comforted me. Around 3am July 1st he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. That was the best summer of my life.
We talked every day at first I didn't know what I was doing, I honestly didn't think the relationship would really last. About maybe a month & a half into the relationship he told me he loved me. He was 16 and I was 12 but he thought I was 13. Okay anyways he told me he loved me, and at that point I didn't really understand what love was, but I really thought I loved him.
The first time we talked on the phone I was so scared and nervous. I wouldn’t talk so he said to me he loves me and I said it back. That was the first time I ever heard him say it. A few months drifted along, late night phone calls, constantly texting unless he had soccer or if I had dance. I look back at it now I could say that was the best summer of my life and even after everything I could never hate him or never regret it.
August 14th, our first break up. Before me he had a girlfriend who he had sex with and she was younger than him. Long story short her dad didn't approve of their relationship so they were waiting for eachother. So on his first day of school he saw her again, he did warn me. She kissed him and I guess they were back together. Then when he got home he broke up with me. It hurt so damn much. I truly felt like a second choice, I felt I wasn't good enough, I felt like everything was fake. But we wound up getting back together because he decided she wasn't “worth losing me”. I look back at it now and i'm not honestly sure if I made the right decision, yeah I know its harsh but in the end we both wound up hurting and now I am suffering.
Later on in the relationship sometime during February I told him the truth about my age. He didn't take it so well at first, which was what I was afraid of, but he eventually accepted it and for a period of time we were happy. From February to July those months were great the summertime was for me but not for him. We made it to a year, I was happy everything was perfect. During the beginning of the summer I neglected him I was smoking weed every day and drinking. It went on for about a week until I got caught. Then after that my Mom and I moved into the city. Tim told me during that time he was depressed and I feel horrible for it, it really wasn't worth it. It definitely put a bruise on the relationship.
When I started high school things started to get hard. I had interest in other boys and though he might say he didn't have interest in other girls before he knew I did, I know he did. I didn't want to cheat on him and I wanted to be free but still have him, I still wanted a future with him. So we got into an open relationship. Now let me tell you, this was definitely the biggest mistake I ever made. That was when I lost him.
So soon I changed schools. I liked a guy but then that didn't work out, but Tim was still there. Then we got back into a relationship and I cheated on him like a dumb ass. We broke up, both of us heart broken but i’m sure him more than I. He told me right after the break up, back when we were just starting to date he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend and had sex with her two times, it was devastating but not surprising. I honestly do think that brought bad karma into the relationship from the start, maybe thats why we didn't work out.. I dont want to use that as an excuse for my infidelity because no matter what, what I did was wrong and stupid but it has something to do with something. I got in a relationship with the guy I cheated on him with and let me just say that was NOT worth losing him AT ALL. So that didn't work out. Then Tim got a girlfriend and thats when I realized he was all I wanted, all I wanted was to just be with him. But I broke him badly, and it was too late he wouldn't take me back. I don't know if he ever will.
So Tim if you read this all I want to say is I know you feel like you were my second choice but you're not and you never could be and there is really no reason or anything I can say to really back that up, its just really how I feel. I messed up but so did you, we both made mistakes and we are just as much equally guilty. I will always love you no matter what but I guess you’re right. It is time to move on it might not be as easy for me as it is for you but hopefully. I still want their to be an us again, I still want to be your wife someday and I really hope you don't wait too long. I am afraid I won't come back, I have no idea what my future has ahead of me or what kind of decisions I will make. I wish the best in love, life, friendship and everything for you. You’re about to graduate high school and become a man, so good luck and please be careful. I will always be here for you and if we can be together again I swear it will be amazing but if not its going to suck and I will have a negative view on you forever, but at least we will always have this story, our story. I love you so much, thank you for everything truly. You made me the person I am today.
