Loosing myself

Living in a world so cold.-Three Days Grace

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Banging echoed through the halls of the apartment block as I knocked on Jamie's door for what seemed like hours, the door never opened, I never saw her bright cheery smile. I never heard her laughter or constant chatter. But I didn't know that, yet.

Sighing angrily I pushed the door open and walked into her apartment, she wasn't anywhere to be seen. Her apartment was bright and colorful, she was a happy cherry girl, the apartment was clean and organized, very professional. Her dog Bell came waddling over, she yapped quietly as I bent down to pat her. The kitchen on my right was spotless except for a stray draw that was sticking open looking odd in such an organized kitchen, making my way into the living room the tv was playing static picking up the remote I switched it off.

"Jamie? This isn't funny were going to be late!" I yelled my voice echoing through the apartment. Making my way down her hallway, the walls decorated with pictures of me and her, family and art. I came across the first door which was her bedroom, opening it I expected to see her struggling to find something to wear and yelling at me to help her, but her room was empty and completely quiet. Her computer on and a tab open, walking over to it I let out a small gasp as I read the few words that filled the screen. "Dear Maya, I'm sorry. I couldn't take it anymore it was aching. Nobody ever understood the constant dark thoughts that lived in my mind. -Jamie." A feeling of dread and unease swept over me, "Jamie..please don't do something stupid." I muttered walking out of her room and into the ensuite, I put my hand on the cold silver doorknob and pushed open the door I screamed, dropping to my knees. My best friend was lying lifeless on the tiles of the bathroom floor in her own blood. Colorful pills scattered on the stained floor, a bloody knife lay to the side. Crying I hugged her body willing her to wake up. Scrambling I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket and dialed the ambulances with shaking hands, they arrived five minutes later pushing me out of the way and pulling Jamie's cold lifeless body onto the gurney, I looked down at my clothes and that's when it hit me I was covered in her blood, tears were spilling down my face now as I shuffled down the hall looking at our smiling faces, how did this even happen? She was so happy, I thought as I arrived in the living room to shocked to speak, I sat on her red leather couch holding my head in my hands as I tried to come to terms with it. After a few minutes of sitting in silence a paramedic came and sat beside me, she was an older woman maybe forty-seven or even fifty, her brown hair was graying and tied into a neat bun.

She inhaled sharply "Miss, I'm very sorry for what I'm about to tell you."

My stomach churned into knots, my hands were fumbling in a nervous uneasy fashion as I nodded.

"We couldn't save your friend, it was to late. I'm sorry for your loss." The woman's voice sounded automated like she didn't even care my friend had just taken her own life. I shook my head standing "No..no..she's not dead!" I yelled angrily, clenching my fists at my side. The woman stood and raised her hands defensively "Miss you need to calm down and take a moment, this is a lot to take in." Growling I picked up Bell and made my way to her door without taking a second look I walked out of the apartment, not caring of the state I was in, everything was so wrong things weren't suppose to happen like this. I needed her she was my rock, the only thing I had left in this world. My feet pounded on the hard pavement of New York City as I ran and ran clutching Bell to my chest ignoring the looks of horror and disgust until I arrived at my rather crappy apartment building, I fumbled with the key unlocking my door. My apartment was the opposite to Jamie's, cluttered, grey and boring. The door slammed behind me as I walked into my room flopping down on the bed, Bell wiggled out of my arms whimpering and lay beside me, my bloody clothes a constant reminder of the events that had just unraveled. Laying emotionless I clutched the sheets in my bloodied hand, rocking gently and breathing heavily. Sleep came fast to me, as I was exhausted emotionally. Bell snuggled close to me as I closed my eyes letting everything turn black.

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A few hours later I was woken by singing, sweet and melodious, confused by this I stood rubbing my eyes. Bell must've not heard it as she was fast asleep. No one else lived with me, especially not any girls. My breathing became messy and sharp, a heavy uneasy feeling fell on me as I opened my bedroom door and walked slowly into my living room, squinting there was a girl standing in the corner of the room she faced the wall and the moonlight hit her illuminating her. Putting a hand over my mouth I muffled the sound of terror and confusion. She was dressed in a long night gown that went to her feet the color was pure white, lace detailing along the top and bottom. Taking caution I stepped slowly towards her. "E-Excuse me? How did you get in here?" I stuttered reaching out a hand. She turned and screamed loudly, ear piercingly. I fell back onto the floor, she had no eyes they were just black sockets, blood was dripping from her mouth as she advanced towards me. I closed my eyes feeling her breath tickling my neck, waiting a few moments I opened my eyes. She was gone, nowhere to be seen I stood completely terrified and confused, feeling a burning pain on my neck I switched on the lights, moving my hair out of the way I looked in mirror there was a 'x' on the side of my neck, it looked as if it had been carved there I shivered shaking my head. I was just having a nightmare these things weren't happening, I was having a nightmare. Switching back off the light I stumbled back to my room and got back into the bed pulling the sheets up around my neck, I snuggled underneath them holding Bell close to me pushing out the memories of that little girl out of my mind, falling into an uneasy sleep.