Trapdoor {johnlock}

We both need help

-John, I-I need to tell you something... But I can't do it, I'm not that strong - Molly didn't stopped crying since she came to my house and that's worrying me, why is she so desperate?

-Sherlock..

-What happen? - I knew that Sherlock was using drugs again, I tried to help him, but he refused it. I looked to Mycroft, he was serious and his mouth was so closed as a tomb, the room was completely in silence - Ok, what the hell is going on? 

-Sherlock..., is dead... John are you ok? You're pale, John?...

[...]

John,

I'm here about to die and I'm scared of dying, I'm scared of doing a so normal thing that everybody else will do once, or allready did. I shouldn't be feeling that way, actually, I shouldn't be feeling anything, but I am, and I'm afraid, and I don't know why the hell I think that if I leave a letter I won't be that afraid, because while writting this I can see you, I hear you telling me to not do this. I'm sorry.

I'm addicted on doing this, I care to much, because I feel to much, and I just realise that when it's too late, when I'm completely out of control. When I was young something like this happen to me, I was caring to much, and Mycroft realised that, so he gave me Redbeard as a escape valve, but nobody realised that Redbeard became into my pressure point, and he died, so did a bit of my sanity. Now it's happening the same thing, you're my escape valve and my pressure point, John, and you're gonne now, as like Redbeard did, we were friends, but then you went away, you got married (I'm sorry to remember you about Mary), had a baby and I started burning up again, but now there's no one to help me, just you could, but you also need help. I'm so sorry because I was supposed to help you, I was supposed to help you...

Go help yourself John, start a new life far away from here, away from these persons, because they will remember you that I couldn't be saved, and if you stay you'll see me on the back sit of your car, talkingto you, making you get distracted, and if you pay atention on me you'll hit against a tree or fall into a precipice. I got off the road, but believe me, I've lost the control a long time ago, and nobody could help me, not even you.

Thank you to give me some of the happiest moments of my life, thank you for being my escape valve. Thank you John Watson, for everything.

Waiting for you,

Sherlock Holmes