One day, and in that very day, Gerard felt different from when he first met Neil; he knew his feelings has changed for him. That day was just like any normal day when they would casually crack up some jokes and teased each other; the day when he finally realized that this boy in front of him was the one he developed feelings for. For all those times they've spent together, that was the first time that he felt sparks (A/N sparks?? idek what word to use idk man it reminds me of twilight frick) whenever he touches him, or when Neil laughs at his jokes, he gets a little flustered knowing he made him laugh or smile at least.
--
Gerard doesn't remember when he first developed feelings for Neil. Though, his admiration for him was not new -- he has always admired him. He liked how he played sports flawlessly and how amazing he is at every sport. He has come to like his arts, too and his neat writing. He especially liked the sound of his laughter and his cute goofy grin he would always have on his face. If playing his piano made him happy, then seeing Neil was more than that. One time, Gerard was having a shitty day because of some asshole trying to make him do their homework. Then Neil told him jokes and made him smile. Then that was it -- his day was a lot better. It's pretty amazing how much impact Neil has to Gerard. He's like a source of energy, or perhaps a ray of sunshine? Gerard loves playing the piano, he loves it more than anything in this world -- but the fact that he has come to like this boy as much as he loves playing the piano, he was afraid -- afraid of rejection; afraid of losing him. He knew it was wrong to like him, yet he still developed feelings for him. No matter how much he tried to stop, the feelings just keeps coming back.
--
Gerard had thought of confessing to Neil. He knew what the consequences would be; he knew what he'd be losing and what he'd get in return. It took him at least 3 months to gather up all the courage to tell him. In all honesty, he may seem a confident person, but when it comes to confessing to the one he likes, he turns into a little pussy. (A/N imagine gerard turning into a legit pussy oMFG)
This day would be the day I'd be confessing to him, he thought to himself. I'll tell him when I get the chance or when we're alone, he told himself. But what really happened, Gerard would lose his courage every single time he tried confessing. He wanted to punch himself for how much of a pussy he is. Everyone thought how unusual he acted and they got a little curious or somewhat worried of what might be happening. Gerard had this deep-in-thought face for the whole day and rarely talked, which was different for everyone. Neil finally noticed and asked what's wrong. Gerard took a deep breath and by the time he replied with "I have to tell you something," a teacher comes in the room and cuts off everyone's conversation to start the lesson.
--
3:45 pm was the time when he last checked. Time was ticking fast and the school day is almost over. He wanted to tell him and get this shit over with, but everyone kept getting in the way. Finally, he thought it was time to tell him when Neil put his arm around his shoulders and asked, "what were you gonna tell me?" Gerard looked down to his feet to avoid his gaze.
"I like.."
Neil removes his arm and walks away from him -- his eyes on something or someone. He finally stops in front of a person -- a girl, that is. He wraps his arms around her waist and kisses her cheek. Gerard's vision turns a little moist and blurry, though he was sure himself that he was wearing his glasses. Why the hell am I tearing up for, he asked himself. He mentally cursed himself and called him stupid -- not for tearing up, but for liking this boy. He knew he was with someone else, he knew he didn't stand a chance. Feelings are so stupid, he thought to himself.
Neil, his arm still around Maddie's shoulders, walked up to Gerard and asked, "sorry, what do you like again?"
Gerard laughs dryly and managed to smile, "I was gonna tell you that I like hentai and you should watch it too."
Neil punches his shoulder, "Dude, you're nasty."
After that, they exchange goodbyes and walked to different directions.
Gerard goes out of the school and stands by the door, waiting for his ride to come. Snow blowing harshly, like Mother Nature is angry, yet, again. Though snow was blowing like it can topple you down, the sun manages to shine down. It was like his mood -- he's angry, but deep down he's happy. He was angry at himself for developing such feelings for Neil when he's with someone else. But he was happy, knowing Neil is happy with Maddie and they both make each other happy. Though, he would rather be the one giving Neil happiness. He put these thoughts aside and thought that this was just a lesson for him. He thought that because of this, he can look back and learn from it. He knew liking him was wrong and he would face a lot of consequences. That didn't give him any less hope, he kept going and never gave up on Neil. He knew he had already lost him but it was okay since they were still friends and that was good enough for him. He liked the feeling of liking someone -- liking Neil. Though, he has to stop these feelings in order to prevent himself from hurting himself. It would take time, but even for just a while, liking Neil was worth it.
WHAT THE HECK THIS IS SO CUTE AND WEIRD I LOVE IT- FAIHT
