in bloom ♡

something i wrote to my love

Love - (noun) an intense feeling of deep affection

Love - (verb) to feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone

When you Google the definition of love, those are the results you'll turn up with, but love is not defined by those words. If love is a feeling of deep affection, then it is just a deep feeling of fondness. And fondness is just liking someone or something, and to like is to regard, and to regard is to consider, and to consider is to contemplate. That's what you get when you keep whittling it down.

Love is not defined, and love is more than just an emotion. It's more than just C8H11NO2+C10H12N2O+C43H66N12O12S2. It's more than dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. It's more than buying a ring, getting down on one knee, and saying "Will you marry me". It's more than the phrase itself, and it is certainly more than just sex.

So what is it? I think it's different for everybody. Love to a baby is different than love for an old woman. Love can be holding your mom's hand when you cross the street, or it can be a kiss on the cheek from the guy you like. Love can be a lot of things, and love is a lot of things.

For so long, I was convinced that love was easy. That's what all of the fairytales teach you when you're young and naive. I would watch movie after movie, and read book after book, and it always taught me the same lesson. It taught me that I would find true love in the first man I fancied, and it taught me that it would last forever. My parents burst that bubble for me when they got the divorce, though.

Divorce - (verb) legally dissolve one's marriage with (someone)

I went so many years thinking that love didn't exist. I figured that love wasn't even real, and people just tolerated each other. I would develop crushes on people, but they were short-lived, and I never got to be with them. So many years passed.

Then I met you.

You were quick to catch my eye, and it was hard for me not to stare. I thought of you as this person that was so above me that you wouldn't even dare to look at me, but there you were trying to spark a conversation. Getting to know you was like reconnecting with a best friend, except I'd just met you. It felt like I was supposed to meet you, it felt like I'd known you before, maybe in an alternate universe we were already together. Maybe we were made for each other, maybe we were destined to meet. I think that's what a soul mate is.

Soul Mate - (noun) a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner

How had we not met yet? I feel like part of me has loved you since the beginning of everything. Maybe we're from the same star. I went almost fifteen years without ever hearing your name, seeing your face, or looking into your hurricane eyes.

So you're probably wondering where my search for the definition of love went. Well, my definition of love is you. Your eyes are the tsunami tides that flood my world; they are the eyes of someone I could love forever. I love the feeling you give me when you hold my hand because I'm sad, or because I'm happy, or because we have hands so why not hold each others'. When I touch your skin it feels like I'm touching a small piece of heaven. It feels like I'm getting a taste of what I get to have all the time in my future. Your skin glows a beautiful golden hue in the sun, and suddenly the rain in my world is replaced with creamy coffee and cinnamon swirls. I can take the colors from every part of you, and paint a picture better than any Van Gogh or Claude Monet ever could've imagined. The works of art would only be featured in the most prestigious of museums.

But I don't want you where everybody can see you, because you are my own secret jewel. You are the constellation I look at every night that I wish belonged to me and only me. You are the symphonies that are out for the whole world to hear that I long to have all to myself. I feel like nobody but me is worthy of being around you, but that's when I begin to doubt myself. Who am I to say that I deserve someone such as you. Someone so magnificent and bold. Someone so driven, and someone so bright. I know you aren't a god, but you're the closest I'll ever get to meeting one.

And I will soak up every ounce of time I get to spend with you. How lucky I am to be the one that gets to spend the rest of their life with you. I must be the luckiest person on Earth. Your love is all I need. And it's all I ever will need. I don't care if we're living in boxes with one pair of clothes, you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. And if I'm only allowed to get my way with one thing in this world, then, God, let it be with you.

You are my definition of love. You and all of the quirks that follow with your presence. You and everything you bring about yourself. You and everything you have to offer me. You and all of your love.

You - (noun) my love.

-- z.r.c.