Scattered Thoughts of a Broken Heart

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Thought 1:

It's just a simple message that I want to tell you: these times in which I was with you, they were great, I had fun, laughed and even felt alive....and I bet that u felt the same...so please don't be a schmuck and lose me or it's too late when u realize that I am the one for you...u said it yourself you don't want to lose me, so prove to me. Show me how important I am to u, how much I matter and for that u shall fight every, and anything that says otherwise. I might have been introduced into your life as the best friend and I have been playing that role for ages....but now it's time to let go for another leading role, whether that role is in your life or somebody else's. I made my mind about me and it's time to make yours about yourself...just one more last thing, it's your loss not mine.

 

Thought 2:

The time feels like years and the pain feels like yesterday….

for the last week I was saying that I miss u, miss us and was wondering what was going on your side of the world. I wanted you to contact me and yet the same time I didn't. However, after you did contact me, I am more confused than before. You gave me more questions to ask and gave me more reasons to wonder. Everyone is telling me you are not supposed to take it in the meaning that he likes u or loves or have feeling for you in that particular way, he is asking just because he cares about you. My question is why? Why are you caring so much? Why are you being so nice and sweet? Why did you ask about me? Why do you want to know if I am ok? Why are you offering help? The fact that you did all that is actually making it harder on me to get over you. Simply because by doing all that you are proving to me how good you are and what a loss to lose someone like you. Don't I deserve such a good person in my life? And if I don't deserve you as a lover then how can I get over you and be able to still be friends with you so I won't lose u as a friend as well. 

I am wondering, what do u want me to tell you, when u ask how am I doing. What do u want to hear from me? Do u want me to tell you how hard it is to get over you? Shall I tell you that every, and each night that passed there were steel knifes stabbing me in the heart. Or I should tell you that I am so angry at life and circumstances that made me fall in love with you. And that i am seeing the world is so unfair to me. 

Apart from all that misery, I am all good, if there is anything is left of me in the first place.

Oh yeah there are a lot of things that I want to talk about

Was it just me and completely my fault to fall in love with you, or sometimes it was you as well?

Am I that crazy and psycho to take some of the things that you done, said and meant in a wrong way or they did actually mean what I got?

 

Thought3:

There is a hole in my heart; I never thought I would ever feel this emptiness in my heart because of your absence in my life. My soul is dry as if it needs to be watered with your care. Without you, I am being suffocated from the distance and time. Reach for me, I am waiting. I am waiting for the sun to shine, for the birds to sing, for the sky to rain and for the rainbow to show. Then I would know that a new beginning is starting for me and what would a start be without you.

 

Thought 4:

And still I am not over you.