i can't explain it (i love the pain) - camren

One

@camilacabello97: Man!! replaced so soon!! Ellen, you were always a better dancer than me anyway....

It had been an innocent enough tweet.

Camila had gotten several messages from several different people. Each message similar to the next, as she was informed or asked if she'd seen Fifth Harmony's latest photo. She felt a twinge in her chest when she realized this was what things would be like from now on. Sporadic messages to inform her what her girls were up to. Tabloids and news articles keeping her up to date because she was no longer a member of Fifth Harmony. It hurt to acknowledge that. It hurt even though the decision to part ways had been, for the most part, her own.

Despite the sadness that she felt, Camila couldn't help but smile widely when she laid eyes on the photo. Normani sat in the middle while Dinah lounged on the floor in front of her. Ally hovered behind Normani to her right, and Lauren... Camila bit her lip and blinked back tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. Lauren was beside Normani to her left, wearing a gorgeous red dress.

Camila knew she shouldn't have but she scrolled down to read some of the comments. Ignoring all the negative ones about herself. She smiled when she found comments full of support and love for the girls. Her chest felt heavy, but she was happy that the future seemed bright for her former group members. They deserve the best, she thought.

Several minutes later and she'd stumbled upon Ellen Degeneres' tweet in response to the photo. The talk show host had added herself into the Fifth Harmony photo with the caption, 'looks like it's just us now'. Camila's reaction was instant, she'd laughed. A full belly laugh. She'd always loved Ellen for being so goofy.

It was the good nature of Ellen's joke that had pushed Camila to respond to the tweet. She could've left well enough alone, but if she didn't allow herself to make light of an otherwise difficult situation, she'd surely go mad. So she'd typed up her response with shaky fingers and tweeted it. She wondered if any of the girls would reply, or at least read it. An hour passed before Camila realized that neither of those things were very likely to happen.

With a deep sigh and one last look at some of the terrible responses to her tweet, she decided sleep was the best thing for her to do.

****

Camila agreed after that night that she'd limit her interactions with Fifth Harmony on social media. It'd been proving difficult considering she wanted to tell them just how proud she was of them. Or respond to one of Dinah's tweets with a ridiculous joke that only Lauren would understand. She wanted to like Normani and Lauren's collaborations and solo work, or Ally's inspirational quotes, but she knew that it would mean next to nothing if she did so.

The last time she so much as spoke to any of the girls had been a week after she'd officially left the group. She and Dinah had messaged each other several times a day, but the holidays and both their schedules eventually led to fewer and fewer messages. Until there were none. Camila doubted Dinah would respond after three months of radio silence. Camila buried herself in her work and putting the finishing touches on her solo album. All the while doing her best to stay out of Fifth Harmony's way.

It was in late March when Camila finally had some kind of contact with any of the girls. And it had happened in a less than favorable encounter. She'd been invited to an after party in Los Angeles following an event she'd attended. It didn't matter how many times she'd told her manager she rather not party, because he'd insisted she needed to 'mingle', expand her horizons and network. All Camila could do was grumble and beg her friend Sam to tag along with her. Her manager had asked her if there was someone more relevant she could go with, but Camila had put her foot down. If she was obligated to party then she at least wanted someone she genuinely liked to keep her company.