Seeing Through the Cracks

Chapter 12

At the end of August 2014, we move Jake back to the University of Guelph to his new residence. This time he is way off campus, in a townhouse residence with two other male students. He has his own room and a shared kitchen, common area, and bathroom. He asks us to take him grocery shopping, deciding that he's going to take more interest in cooking and stock up his cupboard and fridge with lots of food. I am impressed that he wants to cook, since he has also taken a meal plan for this school year. But I am also surprised, as Jake loved the meal plan last year, and the second year program is going to require much more of his time and focus. I don't know how he'll be organized enough to prepare meals. Regardless, we help him to get food and supplies and take them back to his new home. He seems very happy to be back at school, and as we finish unpacking and get ready to leave, Jake plunks down on his favourite beanbag chair and gives us a look of utter satisfaction. We leave for home feeling good. Saying good-bye to Jake this school year feels easier than it did the year before.

I get busy with fall gardening and clients I'm seeing, and I don't hear much from Jake. I assume he's busy sorting out his new school schedule. Brian and I help move Nick and Myles into their new rental in the Junction. Renting an apartment is a really big step for Nick; his first place and also a move in with his girlfriend. I welcome having something to celebrate with Nick to break up some of the tension that has been brewing between us for too long. He's graduated now from university, and is doing a paid internship with a social media company. He loves the job and is confident that it will become a full time permanent position at the end of the term. Nick couldn't be happier moving into his own apartment. He has dreamed of this moment for a long time, and he's ready for the responsibility. I have no worries about how he'll handle a budget, pay his bills, make meals, and keep his home safe and clean. This will be so much fun for both he and Myles. We elicit help from friends and collect used furniture to fill some of their space. And we provide them with the contents of the kitchen Brian had when he rented his own small apartment while working in New York a few years back. He had stored these items in the basement for just this occasion. Nick decides to give up his car now; he is ready to fully embrace the city life and looks forward to commuting using the transit system. I didn't think I'd ever see him give up this freedom. But I realize that being in the city without a car provides him with the sense that he is completely separate and far removed from his childhood home in the country, and that in itself is freeing.

A couple weeks later Jake takes transit to Toronto to see Nick's new apartment, and meets up with Brian, Nick, Myles, and I for dinner. We then attend the Black Keys concert together, a Christmas present I had purchased earlier and that we were all really looking forward to. We have an absolute blast, the performance is excellent, and it's a happy family get-together.

Jake continues to spend more time in the city with Nick and Myles, and I start wondering how he is managing to have the time to travel to the city and get his school assignments done. When I inquire, he tells me that year two is not nearly as difficult as he thought it might be. Jake is very bright and he has been doing computer coding recreationally for quite some time, so I assume that he is smart enough to handle the course load.

Early October, and Jake meets us again in Toronto, this time to celebrate his dad's birthday. The transit ride for Jake is over two hours long. Seems excessive to me, but he says that it gives him time to read and study. We meet for dinner, and although it's a special occasion and we're eating at a more formal restaurant, I notice that Jake's grooming has slid again, he looks thin, and he smells funky. He's not taking care of his teeth as well as he should, either, especially since his orthodontist work. This time I have to say something, as we are picking up the tab for both the dinner and his orthodontic work. He promises to take better care in future, but says that school is very busy, and he is rushing to classes all the time.

The following week I drive to Guelph and bring Jake back to our home for his 19th birthday. Once again, he looks and smells bad. He's lost more weight, his pupils are dilated, he looks tired, and his complexion has broken out. I take him into my clinic to do a health check. I have a practice in Holistic Health and specialize in Iridology. I note that since he's gotten braces and started second year at school, he's lost 11.5 lbs. He says it's more difficult to eat now with braces. I do an assessment and see that his thyroid seems out of balance and I give him a remedy for this. I also take him to the health store to get some protein powder to have for breakfast to add weight back on. He's pale and shaky, but says there are no problems with school; in fact, he continues to maintain that it's really easy. The following night Jake complains of fatigue and headache, asks to be excused and then goes to bed early. Now I am concerned. He is not looking healthy and I worry that the course load at school is perhaps too much, despite what Jake is telling me. Brian and I discuss this and he reminds me how much pressure there is in university, and that maybe Jake is just feeling some of the burden. He is not as worried as I am.

Before he heads back to university, Jake asks me for some of my homemade soups to take with him. I find this very strange because Jake refused them last school year, and told me the meal plan at Guelph was amazing. I mention this, and Jake explains that my soup is easier to eat with braces. It still seems strange to me; don't they sell soup in the cafeteria, I wonder. I am so flattered that he wants something I have made lovingly at home, and so I pack some up for him. I start thinking a lot about Jake, and notice that he doesn't seem to have homework when he visits on weekends. He's continuing to lose weight, he looks unwell and stressed. He also doesn't answer my texts until many hours after I send them, if he answers them at all. Sometimes I have to re-send them to get answers. Something doesn't feel quite right, but I can't put a finger on it. I ask questions, and Jake seems to have an answer and justification for every one of them.

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Later in the month, I drive to Guelph with soups, stews, and lasagne I have prepared for Jake. He is thrilled with this delivery, and says he misses me, that he's eating better, and gaining weight and sleeping better. I hadn't realized that sleep was an issue until now, but he somehow does look a little better.

As I am standing in the common area, I notice a terrible odour in the residence and I ask, "What is that awful smell?"

"Oh, it's because I haven't taken out my garbage and recycling in a couple of weeks," he says.

"Oh, Jake, that is a horrible odour. Let's pack up your garbage and recycling and I'll drive you around to the bins and you can drop it off before we go to dinner."

He hesitates, and so I move to the door and walk into his room. I am shocked at the mess, and the smell is ghastly. I see a small stack of pizza boxes in the corner, and that makes no sense to me. Pizza is sold on campus so why is he having it delivered to his room?

"Why are you ordering in pizza and not getting your dinner with your meal plan?" I inquire.

"I'm so busy with school work at night that I have no time to go to campus for food. It's a long walk from here."

I listen to his explanation and he sounds convincing, but something in me doesn't feel right about it. For fear of upsetting Jake and coming across as nosy and untrusting, I don't ask more questions. Instead, I help him pack up and get the rancid garbage out of his room.

We head to dinner and Jake is over-the-top exuberant, very talkative, very sweet, and I relax and enjoy his company, easily forgetting about my concerns and questions.

Through the next week I text Jake and notice he answers me at 3:00 in the morning again. My sixth sense is kicking in and I believe something is really not right. I ask him if he is even attending classes, suggesting that he has appeared to be quite a night owl for the past several weeks. He assures me he is going to classes, but has had some assignments keeping him up at night. Everything about it doesn't feel right, and I'm not sure I can trust his answers anymore. I decide I am going to start paying closer attention and look for more evidence of a possible issue.