Before the gunshots

***CHAPTER 1***

Here I stand , pointing a gun at an old man, and having an old man pointing a gun at me. I, Cassandra Russell. I felt the blood and tears rush to my eyes as he asked, "who are you?" . I couldn't believe it. How could somebody be so ignorant? He ruined my life a few years ago and he doesn't even remember me? Okay... I guess ignorance is bliss.

I always put my hair in a way that it hid my right eye. Cause my right eye carries all my scars. All my sorrows.

Before answering him, I looked him straight in the eye; and I bit my lip trying to prevent myself from crying as tears filled my eyes. That's when I had a flashback...
   
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I thought back to When I was eight years old, I had everything I could ever wish for. At least thats what I thought... I had a mother, an older sister and a little brother that mom was about to give birth to. Life was just perfect at that moment.

My older sister had a father that she knew and was very fond of, although I didn't know mine. All my mother's lovers never came home therefore we never got to meet them. So we basically didn't know who our little unborn brother's father was.

My mom was my hero. She was a pure heroin to me. She somehow showed me that no matter who and how the father of your child is, the child is not to blame... Cause the child is just a gift from God. I remember asking my mom why I didn't have a father like other kids, and she said; "don't worry love. You've got me... and that's all that matters mommy's Angel." . Those were the words that made me feel whole, those were the words that i kept with me; though the seasons changed so quickly. Every Time when I thought there was something wrong with me and the life I was living, I would remember my mother's words- and immediately feel whole.

She worked the nights, trying to make a living for us. She had two fatherless children that needed support. Of course she would do anything. Besides... she had another one coming. A baby that I was longing for.  I wanted a baby brother... or sister... or any baby whatever. I kept on asking mom if she couldn't just tell the shopkeeper to give her the baby right away. Since she told me that babies were bought.

"Why did the shopkeeper tell you to carry kicking jelly in your belly instead of just giving you the baby right away mommy?" I would ask, and she would laugh before saying:

"There are certain procedures that need to be followed first, cupcake."

I would just nod. Even though i would still be absolutely blank.

When I officially turned 8, my mom invited a strange man to my birthday party. He was her boyfriend and the father of my unborn little brother... uncle Ian. He had a scary look. He kept on looking at me as if he was trying to figure something out. But all I thought was "no, he's just mommy's boyfie, who's trying to get to know me better by analysing my face and actions... to see if I'm a good girl".

After that thought, I decided to go talk to uncle Ian and befriend him, since he was going to be my new father; but he was nowhere to be found.  He had vanished into thin air. I started looking around for him, and decided to go check in mommy's bedroom. That's when I found out the things that I didn't really care about. That's when my life was destroyed and I lost the things that I valued the most.

"What the hell are you telling me Vivian?!" Uncle Ian yelled.

"You heard me Ian. I'm not lying." My mom was always so calm and down to earth.

"She doesn't look anything like me!!"

"Do you always have to be so fucking stupid Ian? We dated eight fucking years ago and you fled when I told you I was pregnant. Now what's this shit you're telling me?! Of course she's your daughter! Damn right she is Ian."

"No!" Uncle Ian said, rubbing his face with both his hands. "No! I can't have two kids! No!"

"Fuck!" Mom yelled, before getting back to her normal calm self. "Okay look Ian. I know I told you cause i wanted my kids to have fathers. But... I... you... you don't have to father them if you don't want to. I'll manage."

There was absolute silence for about two minutes. The uncle Ian broke the silence awkwardly.

"Abort" he said calmly as if he has been thinking.

"I'm sorry what?"

"Abort. I don't want kids. Abort."

"I'm not going to abort Ian. Besides... even if I did- which I'm not going to do- what would happen to Cassandra?"

"I'll handle it."

"No Ian. I'm not aborting and you're not going to handle MY daughter. MINE. No!"

"Urg Fuck you woman! Do you always have to be so fucking stubborn?!"

"Ian... you can go to hell for all I care. Can i please go enjoy my child's birthday party now?" Mom said as she got up from the bed.

"No!" Uncle Ian said as he pulled mom's arm roughly and pointed a gun to her head. Before she could say anything. A silent gunshot went off and I saw him drag my mom to the bed and analyse her big belly. "I told you to abort. You said no. Now look what you made me do."

When I saw this, I started running before getting knocked out. Shit. I had hit a wall and collapsed on the cold hard floor. I felt a burning feeling on my right eye. I was bleeding. I was dizzy. I was slowly fading yet my thoughts were running wild.

How was I ever going to manage without her?

Who was going to read me bedtime stories?

Who was going to check under my bed and in the closet to check if there were any monsters hiding in there?

Who?

No one. No one I tell you. No one.

He killed her. He fucking killed her.

I may be young but definitely not stupid. The fucking asshole killed my precious brother together with the baby that I've been longing for. He took their lives!!

He took her life!! My mom. My mother. My best friend. My life. My everything.

At only 8 years old... I had already given up. On everything. I had already seen so much, heard too much, and lost something that's never coming back. Some thing irreplaceable. Something so sacred and so special. Not something but someone. Two people in fact.

And together with them; a piece of my heart died.