Ana // h.s //

01

Dear Harry.

I saw you crying yesterday. I’m guessing you received my letter since it was clutched tightly to your chest.

Did I do something wrong? I only talked about a friend, but don’t fret, I don’t think I’m going to talk to you about her again, she isn’t your type of friend.

I know you perilously want to know who I am.

You will know, when I’m perfect enough for you.

I just want to talk to you. I was there when you proclaimed in the hallway that you cared about the person sending you these notes. I silently cried as you broke down crying, pleading for this person to talk to you.

I can’t yet Harry. I’ve not achieved perfection yet, please be patient.

I should probably post this in your locker now, I must get going.

Love, A.

The crinkled paper was neatly enveloped into a miniature, flimsy square so it was tiny enough to squeeze through the gap that was at the top of Harry’s locker.

My eyes anxiously scanned the deserted hallways, making sure no one entered. Once I succeeded in placing the letter in his locker, I swiftly turned around and made my way back to my locker, that was evidently at the other side of the school. I rushed through the hallways, ignoring the incredulous looks sent to me by teachers, which I don’t blame them for doing.

I was two hours early to school.

My mind wandered back to the note I wrote. When Harry read it, I wanted to be as far away as possible. Seeing him weep shattered me. Why was he so unhappy? Ana was helping me.

Ana is my friend.

She is allowing me to be perfect.

You want to be perfect, don’t you Alice?

Yes.

Then don’t eat. Do you want to eat just to get rid of Harry? He’d be repelled if you ate. You can’t see your bones yet.

One Week without food and I was already feeling faint. I had to eat.

Don’t be weak you fucking bitch.

“Ana stop,” I whimpered inaudibly.

No. You listen. Do you want to gain weight and lose Harry? Don’t be like that, I’m disappointed in you . I’m helping you Alice. I am your friend.

“Ana I’m sorry,” I cried softly, “Don’t be mad. Please.”

I’m not Alice. As long as you don’t eat for now. You won’t eat… will you?

“No,” I wheezed, “I won’t Ana. I promise. I promise.”

Good. Harry will be proud.

“HarryHarryHarry.” I breathed. “Harry will be proud. Do this for Harry.”

I slid down the lockers and took refuge on the freshly washed floor. My head tenderly knocked against the metal, and I immediately felt lightheaded. My breath was knocked out of me - literally.

“Are you okay Alice?” Ms Muir. My science teacher asked unobtrusively, her tone floated through one ear and sharply exited out the other.

she’ll want you to eat Alice. Only I understand. Lie.

“I’m fine Ms Muir. Just sleepy.” I laughed, I fakely yawned to exaggerate my point.

“You should probably get some sleep dear,” She smiled, laughing slightly, “And get some grub in that system, you’re looking awfully thin!”

She’s lying. She’s mocking you. She thinks you're fat.

“Yeah,” I said shakily, “I will.”

 -Author's Note-

do you like all understand? idk. i think i like writing this. i feel like it may be too advanced for me so my writing is probably the equivalent to an eleven year olds scribbles on what he had for breakfast.

i had toast, it was very crunchy.

s.m

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