Longing for what was lost! Longing for what should be! Intimacy, romance, trust, a Future! What does my future hold? Loneliness as I have already shared. Sorrow as I watch my husband's health and strength deteriorate from end stage liver disease. Impatience as the wait for him to be evaluated for a transplant stretches into an unknown timeline. Worry about finances. Uncertainty as the wait for the transplant lengthens into impossibility! Questions: Will the transplant be soon? Will it cure him? Will the transplant happen in time? Knowledge that someone somewhere is grieving to make the transplant possible. Compassion for their loss but gratitude for their gift. Doubt that I have the emotional strength to be the support that my husband needs! Can I support him when I doubt myself? This is what my future holds.
Longing for what should be. . .growing old together, travelling to see our children and grandchildren! Living our dreams, loving life and our family. Longing, doubts, uncertainty, sorrow, desperation! Grieving what should have been.
