It's been over a year. Over a year and im still stuck on you. Over a year and we're new people. We've been through some shit. I'm just sad I didn't get to be there for you when you needed it. I can tell you're hurt. I can tell you don't like me but in my head I have hope that you'll develop the feelings I have for you.
I don't understand you sometimes. We were talking, laughing, having a good time and then you asked really dumb questions and it hurt. You wanna be fuck buddies? You want me to hook you up with one of my friends? I told you I would be jealous and you were confused because 'it's been over a year.' Well I don't know about you but when we were together I fell hard. It's like you helped me climb a skyscraper then pushed me off. It hurt so bad. I'm still hurt, ya know? I don't know why it has to be this way. It hurts to know that you don't feel the same about me because you're my happiness. I'm pretty sure my friends get annoyed of me talking about you. We're in highschool now and it feels like middle school all over again. It hurts so much and I know I keep saying that but you have no fucking idea! it's been over a fucking year! I still have feelings for you! why can't you fucking understand that? I don't want to feel stupid for liking you! and that's how I feel. I feel so stupid for letting you back in. you're the only guy that has ever made me this happy. I think I'm glad you were gone because everytime I'm near you I get feelings back.
You're the one that made me put my guard up. After you I could never love someone the way I loved you.
Today you told me I was beautiful. You asked what gang I was in and I told you I wasn't in any gangs, we laughed then you told me I was in the beautiful native girl gang. You called my eyes beautiful. My eyes are brown and I told you they aren't pretty they look like poop and you told me that they were beautiful anyways. You kept staring into my eyes, ya know how you used to do? You told me to smile and I tried so hard not to but I couldn't help it. Everytime i dissed myself you denied and told me some cute shit. You boost my confidence level because your opinion matters to me so much. that's why it hurts when you tell me that you don't want to be with me because you're my everything man. I'm happy with you. I'm not as happy with anyone else and that's a promise. I wish you would fucking realize that I could give you the world. You always try to make me smile. You wonder why I like you so much...
You do all kinds of cute shit and expect me not to like you. I just hate that I like you so much. I feel trapped. I want to like you because in my head I feel like maybe you might like me. but I know that you don't and you never will again. It's so easy to think about the good things, but I cant do it anymore. I was getting better and recovering then you had to come back. and it's not like I want you to leave it's just I wish I didn't love you so much. I never want you to leave.
