Hurt People Laugh the Loudest

Him

     " I know I'm straight. I just know it.",I kept on repeating that to myself as I was pacing in my room. From the bed, to the window, back to the bed, then to the window. I think you get what I mean. I mean I know you know what I mean. My anxiety is kicking in. It is really bad. I sometimes lose my hearing for a minute or two. The first time that happened was in my public speaking class. It was our first assignment. It had only been the second day of school and this nut case of a teacher is already having us prepare and present speeches. I barely even know his name. I think it is Mr. Joe or Mr. Jou. More like Mr. Joke or Mr. J like the joker.Ahh the joker is mighty good looking. If you didn't know I'm talking about the Jared Leto joker. I don't know if it is because how he looks or if he's insane why I think he's attractive. Not that I like crazy and psycho guys but he isn't ugly or anything I just think he is a good looking man. Does that make me gay? Why am I asking it doesn't matter. Even if I liked guys why would anyone care? Oh who am I kidding? My mom would cry and possibly kick me out of the house. My dad would definitely kick me out. He is a Trump supporter and slightly racist. Anytime he sees Trump whether it be on the tv or on a poster he yells build the wall,build the wall. I don't like Trump at all. So in that public speaking class with Mr. Jou this girl keeps on staring at me. I don't find myself attractive by any means but she isn't that bad. Like what I mean by that is she is okay. Like I would date her. Well l actually I don't think I would date anyone. 

     "J, come on down for dinner.", my mom shouted. I walked down the stairs rather quickly. Quicker than normal 

     "Oh honey one day you're going to walk down the stairs so fast you are going to miss one and boop. You will be on the ground or the last step and bruise your butt. And I'm not taking your to the hospital either. So the point of this is just don't go down the stairs too quickly. Okay?"lectured my mom. I just nodded yes and faked a smile. I don't want to be mean to my mom, but sometimes she can be a pest. Like a roach or something. Oh man it isn't nice to call your mom roach but she is. She likes to creep up on you and be in your way. My father is the total opposite. He likes to stay to himself unless it involves Trump. My father got into a fight with someone because they said Trump was a pig. My dad swears he really got the guy in the head. I guess I'll tell you the whole fight. So we were at a family party and my dad being himself just sitting in a recliner. He had one too many beers and overheard a conversation about Trump. This guy wasn't apart of the family. My uncle had invited him over because he was new to the area. So my dad overheard the conversation and unlike himself because he was drunk had went over and put himself in the conversation. He was getting a little too loud and had started to yell. I remember his exact words. "Oh so you think Trump is a pig? Well I think your wife is a mule or a pig or maybe both." His comebacks were bad but he is in his late forties. The guy got up and told my dad to calm down but my dad didn't listen. He tried to swing but the guy had pushed him back and he had fell into a chair and broke it. The guy had left and my mom and uncle had to apologize. I actually felt bad for the guy.

     Our dinner was okay. I know what you are thinking mash potatoes and peas with a side of chicken and gravy on top. Actually we had homemade soup. I was trying to think of things to think about while I was eating. Oh I forgot. There is this guy in my science class. He is about 6'2 200 pounds. He is very fit about all muscle but not too much muscle. Just like how I like them. I..I mean how man's body type should be. His name is Hayden. He has olive skin and dark hair. His eyes are amazing. They are a very dark brown. His nose is thin,but not too thin. Just like how I like it. I..I mean how it should be one a man's body. Luckily sometimes we get to pick out partners for labs. Or that's what our teacher told us. After dinner I had went up stairs and taken a shower maybe then I would wash the gay away. Hehe I'm a total mess. While I was in the shower I was thinking about Hayden. For some reason my mom being the creepy-stalker roach she is decided to peak her head in the door to the bathroom. I knew she was in there for two reasons. One: The bath room had cooled down a bit. Two: When she had opened the door she had breathed really loudly. After the shower I got dressed in a plain grey shirt and black shorts. Before I had gotten dressed I was admiring myself. I was looking at my jawline and my stomach. My jawline was looking good, but my stomach was okay looking to me. I had a little bit of abs. I sat in my bed and went on my phone."8-2-5-7-4.", I mumbled to myself. That was my passcode for my phone. I had went on to Instagram. I was doing some "work" and by work I mean stalking. Hard stalking. Not like oh here is this person but like here is their mother, father, uncle, grandmother, and their exes best friend named Opal kind of stalking. Yeah when I'm looking for something I'll find it. In the search bar I searched in "Hayden". A whole bunch of Hayden's came up. I narrowed my searches to "Hayden Hall". One came up and I thank my luck that his account was public. From his pictures I could tell that he liked to swim and that he was a life guard at a popular pool. I bet he got all the girls. I was scrolling and I made a huge mistake. I had double-tapped on my screen somehow. I quickly got scared and panicked. I ran to the bathroom like Usain Bolt. I had these pills to take if I ever got so nervous. The bottle said take two but there was only three and I don't like things to be uneven so I took three. I went back to my room after calming myself down. Then I remembered on the bottle saying if more than two pills taken call 9-1-1. I panicked again. This time from the medicine and the panic attacks I had lost my hearing and my sight. I blacked out.