Teddy bear

Bitter sweet

Waking up, dark clouds in the once blue silly sky.. the sky that he loves.

All I eat is sweets, I'm getting fat, I'm always fat, why am I so ugly? Who can love such an ugly person?

"You're beautiful..."

I remember in my head what he said to me..

No. I'm not...

"You're so gorgeous..."

Lies.

"I love you..."

Lies...

"I'm so lucky to be with you.."

STOP LYING TO ME.

I lay in silence.

What's wrong with me? He is not here. It was just an illusion like before. A fake, All he said lies.. all lies.. all he ever said to me lies...

Walking is a burden. Breathing is a burden.. Being alive is a burden..

Why don't I just end this??

Flashes of his face pass through my mind.

What's wrong with me? All the time I do this? He didn't love me.. why do I still think about him???

I always think about him. I hate him so much.. But i still deeply love him..

I have to run, run away from him. I need to do something else so I don't have time to think about him.

Ill run and run until my legs give up, ill crawl until my arms die out, Ill breathe until I have no more air in my lungs...

And when I'm dead, the last thing ill think about is him..

______________

Walking again i keep walking.

I don't know where I'm going. I'm getting shaky i just wanna fall and break my skull, maybe then ill still having emotions to feel anything.

I walk into someone along my path.

I lock eyes with him.

For moments which feel like eternity we stare at each other.

Staring turned into touching, we felt each other, holding him I felt his warmth.

In a long time I felt warm...

______________

Walking again i keep walking with him hand in hand.

He smiles but I don't.

This time is different.

Very different.

I don't know what to think of him.

I can tell he loves me but for me..

A darkness hovers over me.

I look at him, kiss him, feel him. I try everything, just to keep "him" away from my heart again.