Different

Chapter 1

There was no spell that could change the way I look forever. There were spells and potions that could make me transform into a beautiful woman I had always wanted to be. But while the magic worked for a day, it never made me happy. Nothing in the books ever taught witches how to conjure happiness. There was nothing, nothing that could change the way I looked at myself, nothing that could make me feel good.

When I looked in the mirror, I saw a sad girl. A girl in a boy's body wrapped her hands around her genitals. She despised them. Those things that hung between her thighs bothered her every day. If there was a way she could get rid of those, she would have done it.

It was hard hiding an identity. That was why I stopped hiding it. I came out. The people I considered family and friends looked at me quizzically then. They thought it was a joke. In fact, they saw me as a joke since then, a joke, a guy desperately wanting to act and dress like a lady. They stopped taking me seriously after that. To them, I was nuts.

It had been a few months since I started taking hormone pills. I felt weird. But it's the weird feeling I could live by. Besides, the pill didn't leave an awfully bitter taste in my mouth like those shapeshifting potions did.

Feeling sorry for myself wasn't the point of my existence. Or so I had decided since the time I left my family and lived alone. It was hard living alone on low wage I got from working as a part-time assistant at a law firm. My apartment didn't look disheveled. It looked better than a rut. The paint peeled off in some areas. The floor had two or three missing tiles. The furniture was probably lying there for twenty years. They never had it repolished. The window panes bore scales I never bothered to remove.

I had to leave the lonely abode. I had to be in touch with my other side. It was hard to hide another identity, an identity I had always been reluctant to show to the people who wouldn't understand.

I took in a large breath as I walked across the field covered in grass. The crisp spring air filled my lungs and gave me tingles. My hands were on the edges of my coat before they slipped into its pockets to evade the cold. The trees afar started growing their foliage back. The flowers in the damp field tore a bit of a smile on my face. The mud made walking a little harder. Each step was a struggle to lift my boot from the sticky earth.

The trees that punctuated the meadow loomed. For a moment, they seemed unwelcoming. But I stepped into the woods anyway, constantly hunting for the hum that came from the coven. Soon enough I found them. In the middle of the woods stood about twenty witches around a fire. Some of them eyed me with the same glances I got from people who I had always known to wonder about my sex.

This was the third time I met with them. Most of them were friendly and welcoming, especially Madame Veronica, who often wore that charm. Her touches were gentle, soothing. The first time I met them, she made me feel like I was part of their coven. She didn't look at me with the same curiosity that some in the group usually did.

"I am very glad to see you again." There was nothing more infectious than her smile. When her eyes twinkled, she made me feel wanted and cherished. I never felt that way from my mother. "Come and join us celebrate the gift of spring, the gift of new life." She gave me a spot beside her.

"Thank you," I replied, my voice breaking in its usual androgynous timbre, "Madame."

She squeezed my hands as I held them before speaking to the coven. No, she wasn't speaking. She was offering a prayer. I wasn't paying attention. The looks the others gave me distracted me, made me worried, made me feel unwelcome. So I closed my eyes and pretended I was in solitude. A tap on my shoulder woke me from my self-induced obliviousness.

"How are you feeling, my dear?" Madame Veronica asked. Her gray eyes glinted. Her pink lips torn apart by her endearing smile for a moment.

"Great." I wanted to say I was feeling a bit off, but I didn't want to draw unnecessary sympathy. I thought she probably had other things in mind. Why would she worry about me? "It's great to be with people I share common secrets with."