If heaven had a telephone

One shot , two shots and you were gone.

If heaven had a telephone I'd ask you why you did it. Why you chose to ignore the layer of strength that fell upon your aching heart.

If heaven had a telephone I'd call you to tell you one last time that to me you are the sun , the moon , the earth and everything in between.

If heaven had a telephone I'd tell you that the world you left behind was never quite the same after you pulled the trigger.

If heaven had a telephone I'd tell you that on these lonely nights I stare up at the constellations. As loneliness licks at me like a wolf observing its prey I think about your beautiful bright smile that illuminated any room you walked into. I crave your presence more than anything , more than the enthralling idea of death itself

If heaven had a telephone I'd tell you that I saw you the other day. I looked into your eyes and like a wave breaking upon the shore it hit me. You were not the same person you used to be. I could see the pain, I could see the fragments of your broken heart, I could feel your pain in just one image. The wall you built to keep yourself safe , to hide all the natural disasters happening inside your head became transparent

I no longer saw the happy girl I mistook you to be , your smile no longer seemed to light up the room

It was dull , lonely , fake.

As you struggle to paint an image of a happy 17 year old , you manage to pull it off.

If heaven had a telephone I would tell you that I wish I saw the wave of depression in your eyes earlier. I would tell you that the pain in your eyes cut deeper into my soul than anything ever could

If heaven had a telephone I would tell you how much I miss you. I would tell you that I often touch the things you used to touch , say the things you used to say. I would tell you that every voiceless soldier that goes to battle everyday loses their lives spilling out onto my cheeks and are laid to rest on my pillow case as I think about the memories that are engraved into my mind.

If heaven had a telephone I would tell you how much it hurts. How much it cost me as you were removed from my equation. I have never come across an equation nearly as imbalanced as the one I am trying to solve.As each day goes by I remember you for the brave, intelligent, beautiful, intriguing person you were before you left this place we call home.

If heaven had a telephone I would tell you that you are a diamond in the rough , you are the salt of the earth and you are made of crystals , stars and all things beautiful. That will always remain a constant in my equation.

If heaven had a telephone I would tell you that I can never find a healing balm good enough to heal this wound.It goes deeper than the bullet and the pain screams "Why?". As the tears from my soul bleeds out I wait for someone to find me. Gone, laying on the ground. Looking up at the constellations.

If heaven had a telephone I would tell you that I love you, I would tell you that tonight I will fall asleep with you in my heart.