Loving him

Chapter 2

I got out of the cab and walked towards the door. I felt terrible my head was pounding, my heart was racing and I couldn't put my thoughts together. I put the key in the lock and opened the door, it was dark inside, my mom was probably asleep. So I tried to be as quiet as possible. After 2 minutes I found myself in my room. I laid down on my bed and dozed off to sleep.

When I woke up it was still dark outside.
I looked at the clock and realized it was still pretty early, but I couldn't go back to sleep so I took my diary from under my bed and begun to write. It was hard for me to this without crying, every time I remembered the way he smiled at her, my heart broke all over again. I read the last line out loud "The worst is that I still hope that he will actually love me back"

Hope is what kills me. Every time I prepare myself for the worst, that small hope somewhere inside me fucks everything up. As the time passed I stopped crying in that moment I felt empty. I miss the old me, the happy me.

I still remember that day when everything made sense. I was seventeen, I was supposed to go to the cinema with my friend Annie. By the time we got there, she told me that Ry was going with us. I was obviously cool with that since he was my best friend. But never in my life have I expected that both of my friends liked each other in that way.

Flashback
"Hey Roseee, I need to tell you something" Ryan jumped up and down like a mad man, I was kind of starting to think that my best friend actually really was crazy. "What is it and please behave people are around us" I said grinning at him.
"Well i kind of like someone.."
"And who is this someone??"
"It's umm...you know her"
"Ugh please Ry just tell me already!"
"Fine i like Annie...a lot"
"Oh? Does she like you back?"
"I don't know, that's why I came to you I need your help, could you maybe talk to her?"
"You really like her don't ya?...
On the look on his face i could tell what the answer was.
"Fine I'll talk to her."

Since that day everything started to change, for a very long time I pushed my feelings away. Not wanting them to be true. Annie and Ry have dated for a year, they were both my friends so i didn't really know what to do, so I just decided to keep quiet. I told myself that it was just a crush, but as the years gone by it was getting worse and worse.

I peeked over my shoulder and looked at my phone it was now 10 am. With hesitation I took the device and pressed Ryan's number. "Finally.... so umm are you gonna tell me what made you cry yesterday?" Something was off with him, I could tell by his voice but I tried to actually focus on what I'm about to say so I decided to ask him later if he was alright."I don't really have anything to say, I was just stressed and tired" I answered in hope that he'll believe me, but unfortunately that didn't happen "don't you dare lying to me, you know you can trust me R." I know he was getting frustrated, every time something like this happened it was my go to answer. But what else am I supposed to tell him. I dropped my head into my hands and sighed.

"Ry... there're things that I can't tell you, but please don't be mad at me. It's just a really touchy subject for me but I promise you that I'll be fine." After those words left my mouth I felt my heart sunk "I get it Rose, but you've been shutting me out for a couple of years now, I don't know what happened or what I've done but you mean the world to me and the thought of you pushing me away is hurting me so damn much." His voice held so much sadness in some type of way I felt bad about not telling him about my feelings for him. "You think I don't see the pain in your eyes, it hurts so bad not being able to help you. You can't keep saying that you're tired or stressed you can't hide your feelings forever Rose." With that being said my heartbeat increased and fear appeared on my face, so many questions popped up in my head 'did he know?' "I know okay!? But I can't do this right now, it hurts, you know? Ughh." By now I was crying like baby. For a second there was silence between us then he broke it with a short answer "I'm coming over" with that he hung up.
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Hello there I hope you liked it 😊

Lots of love,
K.