Love yourself first

I've been hurt a couple of times, sa pamilya, sa kaibigan, at pati na rin ng taong minahal ko, akala ko pagod na ako, I also told myself na tama na, but man, I was wrong, nang dumating sya sa buhay ko, Im so freaking whipped...

Nahulog ako sa kanya ng hindi ko inaasahan, I love him so much to the point that I made a fool out of myself..

*-*-*-*

Her POV

Hey people, Im Erina Lopez, 18 years of age, today is friday and as usual, para na naman akong tanga na bubuntot sa kanya, last class ko na to ngayong araw, and 3 2 1..

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Yeah! tapos na ang class, Im so excited kahit paulit ulit lang naman ang halos na ginagawa ko..

I put my things neatly in my backpack then wait for my classmates to go first, ayokong makipag-siksikan 😞, nang okay na, I jog my way to my locker para iwan ang hindi naman kailangan dalhin sa bahay, then go to him, nadatnan ko syang nag aayos ng gamit nya, when he sees me in the entrance of their room he just frown and walk past me, tsk haha..

Btw he is Adam, the one I love, nagsimula to last year when he unexpectedly catch me before I totally fall on the cold hard ground, that day I was so out of my usual self dahil sa mga walang kwentang tao..anyway let's continue to the topic a while ago, so yeah I love adam from the very start at kahit na ganto ang pakikitungo nya sa akin hindi pa rin nawala ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya, hindi din naman ako umaasang maibabalik nya yung nararamdaman ko para sa kanya, and it's been almost a year of me always following him, pinagluluto ko rin sya pero not even once na kinakain nya yun, one time I see him throwing the food I gave him...I wouldn't lie na hindi ako nasaktan dahil ang totoo I was hurt pero go pa rin haha, ilang beses na akong nasaktan at wala lang yun..

But actually 5 months ago hindi kami ganto we were okay, we were close to each other, he was actually there for me whenever I need someone to talk to or simply cry my heart out on, he was the one who willingly picks me up whenever I fall, he was the one to hug me when Im feeling alone, he was the one who wipes my tears away, he was the one who makes me laugh, but all of it are only "was" now because that all change unexpectedly, I don't know what freaking happened..he suddenly become cold, pero sa ilang buwan na yun ay mas lalo akong nahulog sa kanya, everyday my feelings for him only get deeper even if I dont want to at baka masaktan na naman ako..

While walking beside him I chose to break the silence..

Me: May practice ka ngayon??

But instead of answering he just look at me then continue on walking..aray ha! Sus kala mo matitinag mo ko..

Me: Tsk try mo kaya magsalita, masyado kang grumpy!

After saying that..I notice that he was going to talk kaya I pay all my attention to him..

Adam: Fuck erin! Can you just stop already? Ginagawa mo lang tanga ang sarili mo, halos buong school tingin sayo ay isang psycho, malapit na rin akong maniwala na psycho ka nga, you completely forgot your friends because of your non-sense crush on me, hindi ba pumasok sa isip mo na kaya hindi na kita ina-acknowledge is because I have no interest in you?? Na kaya kita ini-ignore is because I can never love nor adore a girl like you?

Then he harshly grip both of my shoulders then look at me in the eyes..

Adam: Now Im telling you, tama na! Walang kwenta ang ginagawa mo, okay?
Lahat ng ginagawa mo walang halaga sa akin, tingin mo natutuwa ako sa ginagawa mo? Well let me tell you Im not, you pestering me almost every single fucking day make me sick, instead na maawa ako sayo hindi, you annoy me to hell, so do me a favor and stop, wag mo na rin akong guluhin dahil walang patutunguhan ang ginagawa mo..

Oh, sana pala hindi nalang sya nagsalita, sana pinagpatuloy nya na lang ang pagiging tahimik at grumpy nya tuwing nasa tabi nya ako, but I can't understand it, nung okay pa kami, I know that he like me too, what the hell happened, we were actually M.U that fucking time!

After what he said, my knees are nearly keeping their shits together but when I found my voice without blinking I said..

Me: Why? What happened adam? Tell me! You and I both know na hindi totoo yan o kung totoo man lahat ng sinabi mo bakit mo pa ako pinakitaan ng mga ganung side mo, why did you open up to me then suddenly disappear and you will return like that? like you fucking don't know me, na para bang walang namagitan sa atin last five months ago?!

After saying that I was almost out of breath my shoulders are shaking and I then notice that I was crying while looking at him..

Akala ko makakakita ako ng emotion o kahit expression that I've been longing to see on his eyes for the past months but there were none..I only see anger and disgust, just what the freaking hell?!

I wait for him to talk again kahit na alam kong masasaktan lang ako, wala na akong pakialam..

Adam: God, erin, I only did that because I was bored, it was just a fucking bet that my friends ask and at the same time what Aira ask me to do..well thanks to my acting skills at natuwa sya..napaniwala kita..

Then he smirk and continue..

Adam: You're a pathetic mess Erin, and do you really think that I would want someone like you? Sweetheart think again, Aira is the one I like, got it? Kaya for the last time Im telling you not asking you to fucking stop this already, you're just making yourself a fool, believing on something that is really not, bullshit your so fucking pathe--

But before he can finish what he was suppose to say inunahan ko sya, I slapped him hard and said..

Me: Wow, that is so fucking overwhelming, thank you..asshole!

After that I turn around and blink many times, trying to stop the uncontrollable tears from continuously falling but I can't, I fucking can't!

That really hit me like a fucking brick, but he is wrong when he tells me that I forgot my friends, fuck, I dont have any friends..

And Aira? Bagay sila, bitch and asshole, perfect shit match to hell..

So this is it? Lahat ng pinaghirapan ko, lahat ng effort ko napunta lang sa wala, bullshit! Katuwa si tadhana, as I walk away, the only thing in my mind was to give my heart a break, and love myself first this time...

~The end~