Bad Words | phan

13-The Cover

A/N: back and better than ever

When Phil walked into the high school the next morning, he felt his heart as it continued to leap, fueled by the thought of Dan Howell. His heart swelled with pride as he remembered Dan dumping the alcohol down the drain, watching the bottles line up before they all ended in a garbage bag. Although he felt pride, something else within his chest generated an excited, happy, and extremely confusing emotion that Phil struggle and failed to understand, but, in all honesty, he enjoyed the way his stomach fluttered. In an inexplicable combination of emotions, Phil's heart tightened, squeezing within his chest, when his eyes rest upon Dan Howell. However, this time, the squeezing hurt, and Phil found himself turning away, looking down as he hurried away in the other direction.

Dan Howell's confidence and self esteem increased on the night he poured his drinks down the sink, but he felt that his attitude focused on Phil. When he closed his eyes, Dan still felt the warmth of Phil's embrace and the gentleness of his lips. Despite his deep feelings towards Phil, Dan refused to openly admit his sexuality to his inner group of friends. After the weekend ended, Dan's pride continued because he never discovered the urge to drink, but he knew that purity must eventually end. He already feared his friend's judgement, and the inescapable obligation of facing Louise, but the immense and overwhelming terror of relapse filled him before he ever experienced withdrawl. Rather, the simple idea of withdrawl caused his fear because Dan had no idea of any coping mechanism.

On Monday morning, Dan walked into the school, dressed in his usual black attire, revealing very few tattoos from beneath his sleeves. Louise already stood against his locker, clutching her books to her chest, and staring at her phone screen, occasionally moving her thumb across the keyboard. Inhaling a deep breath and gathering his strength, Dan approached Louise slowly, possessing only a fraction of his usual arrogance. "Morning," Dan greeted, though his voice lacked all sincerity.

Louise moved away from his locker, allowing him to enter his combination and access the metal chamber. "Hello, love," she smiled, twirling the ends of her hair on her pointer finger. "How are you?" Although it was likely staged, the sickening sweetness in her voice carried through the halls, echoing in Dan's head.

He nodded, reaching to the top of his locker to select a rather thick French III book. Wrapping his arm around the textbook, Dan replied, "I'm fine. How are you?" His voice came out more gruff than he intended.

Louise frowned slightly, interrogating, "Are you sure you're alright?" Her voice filled with genuine concern, making Dan almost feel guilty. Although the thought never occurred to Dan, Louise's insecurities deepened around him, and she poured over his mind. How did others view her? What does her reputation say? Louise was convinced that a boyfriend made her deserve other pleasures, worthy in a way, and she failed to realize that no human companionship can increase or decrease the quality of a separate, unique individual's personality.

He nodded, looking away from her. "I said I'm fine," he insisted, his voice rough and deep. "Drop the topic and move on." Louise nodded to illustrate her approval, but still reached for Dan's hand, hoping to reassure him with her usually good intentions. Initially, Dan flinched away, though his face and body made no indication of the simple hand jerk, but soon, Dan had Louis pushed against a wall. If anyone noticed him avoid her hand, they could jump to conclusions about his sexuality, and that was absolutely the last thing Dan needed spreading through the school like a destructive wildfire. With his lips against Louise's lips and cheeks and collarbone, Dan convinced those around him that the bad boy of the school liked chicks. Hell yes, Dan Howell was down to fuck, but only people with vaginas.

(A/N: It's almost 1 in the morning. Don't read into that sentence.)

While Louise giggled, running her hands through Dan's hair and along the hem of his shirt, Dan's mind roamed to Phil. His lack of understanding his emotions towards the raven-haired boy only increased his curiosity. Dan didn't know what sort of enchantment Phil cast over him, but he knew he had fallen deep under the spell. Thinking of blue eyes and black hair, Dan pulled away from Louise, wishing she would disappear and he wouldn't need to face her or the outside world.