I know I joke about being "forever alone," and I know I laugh at couples and love. I know I take the subject of romance lightly, and I act like I'm okay that I'm single.
I'm not okay.
My brother has told me it's good I have an internal alarm system, that it's good that I have the boundaries I have. He's right, to an extent, but not to the extent of my walls. I'm lonely. I'm so lonely. And I make up for it by laughing the feeling away, but it's always been in the back of my mind. why don't I like it when people touch me? Why can't I get close I people? I want to connect, I want to live, I want to I want to I want to but I can't. And it's lonely.
