Like dude she's my damn friend of course I'm gonna try to help her but I don't need someone telling me shit I should do. Like it's nice he seems to care and shit but what pisses me off and makes me mad is I have had a lot of people do this to me and people still do it's not fucking right people always brush my depression off to the side and it's always about their selves or someone else which is perfectly fine but they never bring me into the picture like I am not dealing with anything like I'm not going through as much shit as their going through, like I could never possibly have it "worse" like I'm perfectly fine like they know I'm depressed but they're not gonna bother to try to help me out or tell me some shit as a friend and that really hurts me like he brings up Jennifer like she's the only one that does that to herself and feels that way when in fucking fact let's be real here I'm suicidal I've always been I've tried to kill myself over fifty times it has never worked I've been cutting myself since the eighth damn grade even though I've wanted to do it my whole damn fuckin' life I never fully and confidentially could do that to myself because I was scared I'd cut too deep and end up in the hospital & I'd just survive like I did multiple times at birth. I feel that I'd honestly just wake up to getting fuckin' yelled at no questions asked and that I'd just get all my stuff taken away just get in trouble like I always do and ranted about how they're gonna get in trouble for what I did and if I die (from suicide) they're gonna get questioned and go to prison they're seriously only worrying about thierselves. Like first of fucking all my ugly dumb ass could be fuckin' dead too it seems like you don't even care you're just more worried about her? Why can't it be equal I fall apart everyday. I have major and severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD = (I have gotten from my older brother and bullies) like know one is really fucking bothering to help my idiot ass and or try to fix me I'm always the nice one that's gets taken advantage of and helps everyone else and it slowly kills me inside without people realizing (I honestly hope you get that I am not saying this in a selfish way or trying to be selfish. I hope you understand where I am coming from and what I am trying to say) Like I don't fucking appreciate how he said "You better not place in her mind that depression is gonna be there forever" When bitch why the fuck would I do that to my motherfuckin' friend am I fake to you or something?? Do you happen to fucking realize I am that way I'm the bitch that's already placed in her fucking mind that I'm never gonna get fucking better and that I wanna fucking die and have my whole damn life since I started preschool and shit all I ever did was get bullied my whole damn shitty fuckin' life. I mean look I care about all my damn fuckin' friends who have depression (Which I believe all of them do) and I try the fucking best I can to help all of them out and ask them questions but it's like people seem to forget that I have fucking depression too I've been through a lot of shit and shit I shouldn't have had to go through since the ages of 5-14 = 2006 = (10 years of my my fucking) life and people act like they're the only ones that deserve healing and mending treatment. But it's fucking okay I'm use to it it's been that way my whole fucking life so why the fuck am I even trying to expect something that's never gonna even fucking happen I might as well just suck it up and keep being everyone's door mat. I do try to do things to make myself happy and feel positive I love to sing/dance/write and do music and that's exactly what I fucking do. I don't feel like a beautiful person, It's just my depression isn't getting any better and with the things people tell me online to "Kill myself", that "I'm a faggot", "I hope your mom dies of cancer", etc... and many more I get they're just trolls but I'm already hurt and broken I'm a sensitive ass bitch my mom really can die any day she's sick and I don't need to hear especially when I already have a fucked up life and fucked up shit in my head that someone hopes that my mom fucking dies just because of my motherfuckin' opinions and how I get treated and honestly it's just the motherfuckin' anxiety and panic attacks it's just I can't I honestly really find know point in living 😿 but I'm gonna be forced here for a while people just don't fucking understand that I do, I do try to be fucking happy I try to be free but I can't when all I get is ridiculed for simply trying to express just a little bit of what's going on in my mind/life from my point of view and how I always feel. Well not 100% I literally just get ridiculed and blamed everytime I try to explain myself or if I don't like something or how something makes me feel I always just get yelled at or attitude and I feel like I'm the one to be fuckin' blamed I've been used and lied to my whole life I mean we're friends now and she apologized but I have hella trust issues for a reason and this is one of them how do you think I felt having a friend she was like my only friend in the first or was it third grade if I remember were this girl I was nice too told my friend to go on and off with me and I never knew until one day that's what she whispered in her ear she told her one day to be my friend then the next day to tell me we aren't friends anymore then the next day we're friends then I'm not your friend anymore.
