I wear this external shell of a slim body, a smiling face and a glint in my eye. But inside there is something entirely different. I am plagued with a disease that rots me from the inside out. My disease consumes every part of me and instead of thinking about work or the future all I can focus on is calories and losing weight because I'm addicted to that elated feeling I get when the numbers on the scale drops.
My disease blinds my eyes and makes me see all of the fat on my body no matter how many people tell me how thin I am. My disease keeps me awake at night because my mind is occupied with anxiety about food and weight rather than sleep and my body is riddled with aching bones.
My disease has turned me into a horribly sneaky and manipulative creature whose only priority is themselves. My disease makes me like to those who care about me because the very though of being faced with food is too terrifying to comprehend.
This disease of mine consists of endless break downs over eating 'too much' and it's lonliness because going to see firends is just too much of a risk and there is too much temptation. Christmas, Easter and birthdays are no longer a pleasant occasion but your worst nightmare because all you find yourself doing is avoiding the food involved or spending the entire day bent over a toilet emptying your stomach because if you don't you might kill yourself.
They say feeling thin tastes better than any food, but there's a difference between the bitter taste of an eating disorder and the sweet taste of a healthily thin body.
