Visualization

My heart will be mend again. The broken parts that was imprinted with aches, betrayal and loss will be collected together.

With every step i took today a tear fell leaving its marks on the cold hard stone and the weak shaky soul.

The distance between us were expanded in the last few months like it has never been even before our shared history and memories. And as i was getting closer to the other side of the bridge of love i was getting more far away from him.

I sat on the old wooden bench placed in front of the tranquil lake replaying all the scenes of our trip in my mind as a slow motion detailed movie which contains pictures of bright smiles, breakdowns, hysterical laughs and heart breaking pinches of pain.I still remember the shy cute Irish guy who was afraid to socialize with anyone on his first day at high school.

He used to spend hours with his headphone in his ears and his notebook placed all the time between his hands filled with quoting poems and strange sketches.However,his first conversation with me was filled with sarcastic remarks and perverted sentences that shed the light on his sassy confident side.

His first move was and will always be a real mysterious paradox that i will never understand; on the day he asked me out he gave me his private notebook which was full of animated funny sketches of my different smiles,and this indicated that he is the romantic type.At the same time, he jumped on me making our bodies hit the ground and kissed me a kiss full of lust, force and energy not gently or love.It felt as if that he gained a boost of confidence in a matter of seconds transferring him from the romantic shy person to the bad boy.

He was a mixture of a womanizer,gentle,careless,sensible,confident and insecure mess at the same time.

I remember also our beginning of the end phase; the phase where we both felt something is wrong.Instead,we pretended that everything is perfectly fine and tried to hold on unfortunately nothing in between. Our chemistry began to fade, and part of my heart used to warn me that the worst ha never come yet. However,betrayal was the fuel that burnt all the love. Capturing him with another girl rewinding all our special memories, exploring his sketches with her and letting her discover all his inner imperfect perfections opened my eyes on a third side of him that was unknown to me.

As I close my eyes and visualize him right now, I picture him sitting on his bed putting his finger between his teeth trying to reconsider all what has happened. I picture his obdurate nature controls him forcing him to blame it all on me then he will rethink and regret all his actions.

Whenever I look at this beautiful lake it gives me hope, and now it give me this feeling that everything will be better. I picture myself getting stronger by time ,and he is getting weaker day by day due his regrets that are eating him alive.

I visualize a happy life with no longer pinches of pains because a heart break can't last forever, Right?