Sierra was awakened to the sound of voices arguing in the garage. Rolling over, she squinted her eyes at her alarm clock, to find it was only 4 in the morning. Sierra recognized the voices as her mom and dad. her dad's voice was rising as her mom darted around in hysteria. She was familiar with this sickening duet, but never so early in the morning. Sierra remembered now, what they could be fighting about. Last week, over fries at Mcdonalds, her dad shared a secret with her. He began by asking if Sierra was happy with the way things were at home. She knew he was referring to the constant fighting in the house. It wasn't that she was happy with the situation, but scared by the threat of divorce. I was sort of like hanging off the edge of an iceberg. It was cold, and uncomfortable, but if she let go, worse consequences we waiting. And now Sierra's dad was telling her a secret she never wanted to hear. He was leaving her mom next week.
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“What if I told you I was standing on the edge of the bridge in town waiting for one reason to not jump?”
Her heavy breaths were heard as she stood, steadying her balance with the phone in one hand... waiting for that one reason not to jump.
“I would tell you that I love you and you’re beautiful. And I know hundreds of people will say that to you, but I mean it. I’d tell you that I’ve been where you are, and you deserve to be HERE. I would tell you that you have so much to live for and no reason to die. Sadness only lasts so long. I’d tell you to think of all the things that make you happy. All the little things you love: fuzzy sweatshirts, hot chocolate, hugging friends, first kisses. All the things you want to do in life. All the things you can accomplish. I would tell you that someday you are going to find a reason to stay. You are going to find someone who knows all the dark corners of your life. You’re going to find a passion to live for and have a reason to wake up every morning. You have the potential for an amazing life. I would tell you that I know where you are and I’ve been there but it’s never going to be a good idea. It’s never going to be the right choice. So, it’s late and raining… I want you to go inside, put on some comfortable clothes and cuddle with some stuffed animals and watch your favorite movies. It’s never going to be a good idea. You’re beautiful and I’m sorry this isn’t fair”
Sierra was lucky to have such a friend. Someone she could call even when she was in her darkest hour, and only she could make Sierra smile. Kate was her name. She was the girl who believed that everybody else’s happiness is so much more important than her own. She didn’t believe in happiness for herself anymore. She had essentially given up. Her once bright emerald eyes had gone dull, her spirit sunken to the soles of her feet. Every once in a while, a little bit of joy showed through when she convinced someone that they ARE worth the gift of life. Like tonight, Sierra, she was tired; tired of the “accidental” trips in the hallway, tired of the names. Most of all, she was tired of all the kids who talk about her mom. Sometimes she could deal with it. Sometimes she just broke. even the simple ,“Can you ask your mom?” she couldn't bear. People said all sorts of things though… sometimes it was just a slip of the tongue or a little bit of forgetfulness. She couldn’t really blame them… who was going to remember that her mother killed herself last year? Who actually knew that every time you mentioned the word, suicide, she cracks inside just a little? Kate knew.
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What brings somebody to the point of breaking? What compels somebody to want to just lie down and sleep forever and ever? Sierra contemplated that as she lay in bed the next night. She wondered what really brought her brilliant mind to actually believe she was of no worth in this life. She twisted around in her bed, trying to get comfortable. People tell her that she's smart. They all tell her they see her going far. Apparently there's some "spark" in her eyes, that gives people hope. As she fell deeper and deeper into thought, she also fell deep into sleep. She dreamt of her mother. They were sitting in the car, at their favorite beach on mothers day. As they were talking, Sierras mom pulled something out of her purse and handed a card to sierra. "mom", Sierra said.. "it's Mothers day. Emphasis on mother.. why are you giving me a card?" Sierra's mom just looked at her, her eyes telling sierra just to open it, no questions. Sierra opened the envelope to see two things; a card, and a little mesh baggy. She pulled out the card and read it. it read, in her mother's handwriting: I know this is a tough time, and i know we rarely get along, but i want you to know that i love you with all my heart. I am always here for you, if you want me to be. the charm that i have given you, I have the same one. they show unconditional love.
