Silhouettes

I

How on earth does one make themselves significant? You can try all you want, you could find a way to world peace, or start a world war, but in the end 99.999999999999% of every atom consists of empty space. In the end the earth is just a tiny planet in an infinite universe. Let's not be ignorant, the chances are almost 100% that there are other planets with living creatures. If the universe actually is infinite, there is also an infinite amount of planets with living creatures. And we don't know a thing about them. An entire universe that we don't know about. Maybe there are planets that have learned to cure cancer or where equality exists. Maybe there have been important creatures out there that have been able to find a way to see our planet, from miles and miles away. Yet we don't know a thing about them. All of them creatures are as if they are nonexistent to us. Some people say that they are nonexistent. They are just naïve. Everything you feel, everything you see, every single thing you do; all those processes in your body; all the electrons and atoms moving; yet every atom consist of 99.999999999999% empty space. We are practically insignificant.

I pay the girl at the counter for my coffee and sit down in the quiet corner. It's a rather tiny café but it is cozy and I like it. I love how they do not play pop music, but more of a jazz style. I wouldn't put in on myself but somehow it really fits the entire image. There are some bookshelves against one wall and I've probably read every single book on there. Most of the books are really interesting. At the moment it is kind of crowded since it is around eight. Often people come and taste their fantastic tea, though I prefer the coffee. I don't even have to tell the people at the counter what I want anymore.

I walk towards the bookshelves and I get "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close". I must have read it about four times already, but it is such a good book. I like how it's written from a child's perspective for the most part. Most books are written from the perspective of an adult that thinks they know everything, but this book show that kids are actually pretty smart too. Why is it that society puts kids down so much? Like, by the end of high school, they are all completely brainwashed. They are entirely drained from creativity and individualism, and it has all been replaced by useless facts. To be honest, I think that you business would be such a success if you would hire a kid. They look at everything from another angle. By definition, this angle is the wrong one. Adults are higher up and have a wider view over the world, but sometimes you have to look at the bottom of something to see why it doesn't work. A train wouldn't work without wheels. A building would sink into the ground without a foundation. A bath wouldn't work if it wasn't connected to the pipes. An organization doesn't work without kids.

I browse to this page that I've dog-eared. It's a bad habit but the owner says he doesn't mind since most people don't even touch the books.

"I don't mind if smiles come at my expense, I'm a small price to pay."

*

"Why did you not go to your nan with your mum Dan? She should have taken you with her!" They laugh.

"You wouldn't have to jump of that bridge yourself, she would just throw the car of it." Their laughs get louder.

"Maybe she wasn't even planning on coming back. Maybe she just never wanted to see your face again."

I turned around.

"That would be totally reasonable." Phil laughs.

"If you hate my face so much, then why do you keep following me." I answer. I should never answer. I should keep my mouth shut. It's too late now.

"Because someone needs to tell you the truth, Daniel." Phil says. "No one loves you." They laugh.

I'm a small price to pay.

*

I drink my coffee and order another. I put the book back on the shelve and open my backpack. I grab some homework and I start to solve the equations.

I don't like being home. My mum used to always take me to this café and I have been here every single day since she died. We always used to sit at this exact same place and she would order me a hot chocolate, always asking the girl to put some extra whipped cream on it, even though she already knew. Everyone loved mum. She looked like an actual angel. Her brown hair falling just over her shoulders, her skin so pale that you could almost see through her. But you couldn't see through her. You cannot see through anyone. It's interesting how you cannot see through those practically empty atoms. Maybe because they are filled with secrets. Maybe that is why you cannot see through people. Maybe that is why emptiness can be so heavy.

Home is empty too. My father is barely ever home and my brother is at uni. I'd like to say that I don't mind being alone so often but that would be a lie. That's why I come to the café.

I finish maths and chemistry and I walk to the toilet.

"Thank God, I-" I open the door to the toilets. Is that Phil?

"Phil?"

The sensor lights turn on and Phil stands alone in the corner.

"Uhm... Daniel... Well..."

I start shivering.

"Don't worry I am not going to hurt you, I just..." he stops talking.

"You just what?" I ask.

He sighs. He looks scared and I don't get why. I am not the one hurting him.

"I am on a date. With this person. But my date does not seem okay. He insists that I go home with him after-"

"He?" I ask.

He sighs again and I see tears in his eyes.

"Yes Daniel. He. I am gay." My mouth falls open.

"You are?!?" He nods. "But then why do you hit me screaming that I am gay, if you are gay yourself?"

"I will explain it. Trust me." I snort. "Really. You can trust me. I am not as scary as I seem and I will tell you why. If you could just please get me out of the café."

I look at him. He seems to mean it.

"Promise?"

He nods.

"Promise."

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

I walk up to the counter. I tell the girl what has happened and if she has a plan. She points at the door next to the toilets, it leads to the emergency exit. I nod and thank her.

I walk back to the toilets and explain the plan to Phil. We just have to be fast, and then it will be fine.

I open the door so the view is blocked and his date cannot see him. I tell him to come and together we run through the tiny hallway to the emergency exit. For a moment I am scared that it will trigger the alarm if we open the door but it seem to be fine.

"Wait here, I will be right back."

I go back inside and get my backpack, I pay the girl at the counter and I leave through the main exit. I walk around the café to Phil. We run through the park together, him still being scared and we sit down on a bench.

"Thank you so so much Daniël. I owe you."

I look at him without any expressions.

"Spill."