The Project // Jikook

Chapter Five

[Do or Die]

Jungkook

I couldn't bring myself to do it right after he left. Instead, I waited. 

I watched my favorite Iron Man movie, I did the dishes, I ate some of my favorite food. I did anything but confront the pounding in my heart and head. Slowly, the panic built up and I knew I had to do it then.

But did I really want to? This is everything I've ever wanted. A simple death, but I was still afraid.

I walked into our shared bathroom, grabbing the razor in my hand.

I stood there for a while. 

Would Jimin be angry with me? Or disappointed? What if it doesn't work? What if I live?

I pondered on these thoughts for a while before deciding that it didn't matter. He wouldn't care anyway. He only told me to stop because I helped him. He was paying back the favor.

I struggled to remove the blades, and once I removed them. I stayed still, watching them on the counter.

I looked down at my bandaged arms and slowly removed them. I felt that if I rushed, I would hurt something Jimin did. I've already hurt so many people, I don't want to hurt him too.

Maybe I'm just scared. I have always been a coward. Not able to stand up for myself. Not able to get help. Not able to do anything. 

But I can do this. I need to. 

When the bandages were fully removed, I looked at my raw arm.

There was so little space, it calmed me down to see them. I was able to count them, always. 

Tears fell down my face as I shakily brought up the razor.

Just two cuts. Just get it over with.

I cried out in pain as I brought the razor down onto my skin. I dug as deep as I could, the pain was unbearable. I gasped for air, wondering why it wasn't calming me down. 

I brought it down again on the other side, yelling as I dragged it through my skin. 

"I'm-I'm sorry."

Jimin

"You're such an idiot Namjoon hyung," I said in between laughs. "How the hell can you break a finger while doing dishes?"

"It was an accident!" Namjoon shrieked as he threw his arms in the air. He winced from the sudden pain and brought it back down. We all burst out into more laughter as he pouted.

We hung out for a couple of hours, laughter filling the air as we all forgot about the bad things. 

As the day grew later, I knew I still had a few things to do, so I said my goodbyes and left. Before I could leave, however, Jin pulled me into the bathroom of the dorm.

"What's with all shitty concealer?" He points to my eye. "And the split lip? Oh, and let's not forget about the limp."

"I fell off my bike, skidded across the cement and this happened," I quickly made up a lie, not wanting to give away the truth.

"...Ok. I'll have to trust you on this one." He sighed a bit and pulled me out. 

I caught Tae glaring at me as I left, he must think I told him. I smiled and shook my head, trying to convey that I didn't say anything. I didn't notice that Jin watched the entire exchange. 

I slid on my shoes and shouted the last goodbye before heading out of the lively area. 

I walked across the road to get to my dorm, a little skip in my already limpy step as I thought of Jungkook's leftovers. 

I wonder what he made... My mouth watered at all the food ideas I was coming up with.

When I entered, however, I didn't smell any food. 

Maybe he made something instant instead. Huh.

"Jungkook! Where are you? Do you have any food leftovers?" I shout, somewhat disappointed I can't eat his food. I don't receive an answer and start to freak out. 

I head into his room, "Jungkook?" When I don't see him, I open the bathroom door and almost faint. 

Shit! I thought I hid everything! 

He was lying on the floor, blood surrounding his arms. I had to hold in my vomit in fear that I couldn't be quick enough. 

It truly looked like a horror movie. 

"Jungkook! Come on, wake up!" I shouted as I dialed 911. I crouched down, grabbing his shoulder. Tears streamed down my face as I shook him.

I held the phone to my ear as I checked for a pulse. I couldn't find one at first but as I moved my finger around his neck I found one. I let out a sob of relief and put my hand over my face, surely wiping off the concealer.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Yes, um, hello, I-I. My friend he-he's,"

"Sir, please remain calm, what happened?"

"Well he-I found him on the floor - passed out -cuts there are cuts all over his arms," I stuttered out still trying to process what had happened myself.

I looked at the sink, trying to find a towel to cover his wounds. Instead, I see my bladeless razor. Vomit finds its way up my throat and I hurl into the bathtub. 

This is my fault. It's all my fault.

I didn't think he would take my razor. I didn't even know that they detached! 

"Sir, are you okay? Where are you both?"

"I'm fine! But- But he needs help! We're at BigHit high school dorms. Number 208. On Lincoln street."

"Okay, we are sending someone over. Have you been able to find a pulse?"

"Yes, but it's very faint. What should I do?"

"Try to stop the bleeding with a towel or bandage. Just cut off the circulation a bit."

As I did so, I heard an ambulance siren and I picked him up without thinking. I rushed through the house, his lifeless body in my arms. I sobbed, trying to open the door in my panic was harder than normal. 

I muttered out a thousand curse words as I finally got outside. I saw the ambulance and walked over to it with him in my arms. I looked at his face as I heard people shouting. 

My friends had all come out of their dorm only to see me with him in my arms, bleeding to death. They covered their mouths in shock, except for Tae. 

Tae was sobbing. He kept staring at Jungkook. He broke down and tried to run to me and him. 

"Jimin! Please- god, no. Keep him safe!" He cried out, almost reaching us before the police cut him off. The boys looked shocked, trying to calm Taehyung down as he muttered so many apologies. 

I hopped in the back of the ambulance as Jungkook was placed on a stretcher. I grabbed his hand as we drove off and squeezed. Thank god they let me stay with him.

"Jungkookie, if you can hear me... Please-Please, fight," I sob into my hand. The paramedics took his hand away from me and started to stitch him up, doing their best to save his life. 

Please. Let this work.