Colour Me Red

Chapter 4

The very next morning I woke up to something (or someone, rather) tugging at my side. I immediately opened my eyes and mumbled out a scared apology which got me strange looks from my dad.

"What are you apologizing for?" He frowned looking down at me while I shook slightly due to fear, my eyes shut tight. After a minute of waiting for him to hit me, I peeked open one eye and the wanted to punch myself for being so stupid.

"Will-" I exhaled, the air pushing through my lips almost like a whistle "I thought you were someone else."

"Who else would I be?" He asked me completely and utterly confused, I then realized that I never told him about my father.

And then I realized I never would tell him about my father.

"Never mind.." I frowned pushing the blankets off me, crawling off the couch. I thought of the night before and how Zaire stayed until late into the night. He kept talking to me, keeping the conversation alive with new topics that interested both me and him, he also somehow managed to not bring up my past even once in the hours I was talking with him, and for doing that I was forever grateful.

I stood up and looked around the room, not remembering how I ended up on the couch or how I ended up in this room. The last thing I remembered was talking to Zaire, and then I remembered putting my head down on the table we were sitting at and listening to the soft pull of Zaire's voice and-

"Oh god" I moaned resting my head in my hands "I fell asleep while we were in the middle of a conversation, didn't I?"

"Yuhp." Will smiled while I internally kicked my self. Hard.

"That's so embarrassing" I pouted falling back down onto the couch; wrapping myself in the blankets again. "I drool in my sleep, I didn't want Zaire to see that-" I took a breath "he probably thought I was so bored I fell asleep!"

"Since when does his thoughts matter?" Will crossed his arms and smirked down at me

"It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter at all!" I said wide eyed, a blush creeping up my neck. He then began a chant that was highly popular in elementary school:

"Colour and Zaire, sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i- oomph!" He blew out whatever air was left in his lungs as I sat on top of him.

"Finish it. I dare you." I growled causing him to shrink back, he then smiled and opened his mouth, the words stringing out slow and steady,

"n-g. First comes love then-" and before he knew it, a pillow was over his face and he was shrieking with laughter. He grabbed my sides and squeezed, causing me to jump up slightly leaving him room to throw me to the side and run away. I yelled after him, but it was no use since he had already grabbed his keys and yelled he was leaving for work, laughter screwing up his speech. I sat on the ground for a few minutes before I trudged off to the shower, wanting the hot water to wash off the grime of my past life leaving me a new slate, ready for anything life had to throw my way. But I knew that wasn't going to happen.

When I got out of the shower, I didn't feel any better, if anything I felt worse. I was disappointed in myself for letting me get this bad. The cuts on my arm were deep and swollen, making me want to cover them up immediately.

So that's exactly what I did.

I pulled on a sweater and a pair of jeans and walked out of my room, my soaked hair seeping in through the back of my shirt. I walked down the stairs and sauntered into the kitchen, opening the fridge and peering in.

"How are you supposed to become a Luna if you can't even detect a simple presence?" A voice drawled, causing me to shiver and then turn around, facing the voice. That word again. My heart rate picked up as I looked up on top of the cabinet where a large man crouched. He immediately pounced down at me before I could blink causing me to shriek and twirl out if the way, banging my hip into the counter. I hissed out in pain but fought through it as I ran to the door and opened it, running out into the cold. I cursed as the air bit my skin and numbed my toes, but I ignored it, just like I had when I hit my hip.

As I raced through the snow I heard the man's footsteps behind me quickly closing in making me push forward. I willed myself to keep going but it felt like I'd been running for hours, for years. I was slowing down and he was catching up. I then heard my father's voice in my head yelling at me to give up, yelling at me for being such a disappointment. Yelling at me for existing.

Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I stopped completely, falling to my knees the cold snow seeping inside my body, chilling my bones and icing my veins.

'I'm okay with this.' I thought and I willed words to fall out of my mouth, two of them.

"I'm tired." I whimpered wiping my eyes. The man's footsteps felt like they were rumbling the earth, It felt like every one of his steps was bringing him close to a victory for him and demise for me. 'Do I want to die?' I asked myself silently, pondering the question. The voices were yelling at me to give up, to accept what the stars foretold, but something deep within me was yelling at me to get up and to run, to stop submitting to every force that came my way. And that's what I wanted to do, oh god I wanted to live. But my legs wouldn't work, and my eyes wouldn't open. I felt the intruders presence around me like water filling up my lungs, like a drug, so intoxicating and so deadly. He placed a hand on the back of my neck, brushing my frozen hair away from it. And then he whispered two simple words in my ear that caused my body to convulse.

"You're. Nothing." He pushed my face down into the snow and yanked at my hair. I struggled for release but he kept pressing harder and harder. My body was burning against the cold and my lungs were screaming for air. He yanked at my hair and pulled me up from the snow. "You'll never be good enough." He then turned me around to face him and I finally got a good look at him. He was a middle-aged man with markings on his neck of various designs. His eyes were a dark brown that looked as though they could be black and his skin was tanned and scarred. His mouth was pressed in a thin line as he glared down at me. My jaw began to quiver as tears began to burn my skin, drenching my new cuts in salt.

"Please" I whimpered, my voice quivering and breaking "I don't want to die."

"How pitiful." He spat, yanking at my hair. He smashed his knee to my face, no doubt bruising me, then shoved my face into the ground once again, this time he was pressing down on the back of my head with more force. My head began to pound and I mouthed effortlessly at the snow and all I could think of was 'I don't want to die', then all of the sudden he stopped. I laid there for a second before I lifted my head up.

I was encased in fog.

I Iooked around but I couldn't even see three inches ahead. I stumbled forward and tripped onto something and when I looked at what, I screamed- the man who was attacking me moments before was lying there with bright red blisters covering his body. His eyes were wide open as if he was in shock and his mouth was slack. A tear fell down onto him and sizzled out, leaving no trace of itself. I got up and ran away, stumbling and wiping hopelessly at my tears. I had no idea where I was going, but I did know I had to run. I ran and ran but I got nowhere. I stopped moving and looked around me, watching the thick fog roll away.

I stood there as life went on around the world. I stood as people laughed and people cried. I was a speck of dust in an empty room. I wasn't anything but a grain of sand in a vast ocean being tossed around in its currents.

I stood there until the fog rolled away and even after that I stayed. The tears kept rolling down my cheeks and it still burnt, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I lacked the will to move so I just settled staring at the sky as it went through it's never changing routine. My clothes were soaked and I was cold, yet I just droned at absolutely nothing. I kept staring even as Zaire yelled my name and rushed to my side, wrapping a coat around me, saying things I couldn't seem to comprehend. Even after I was rushed back at Will's house I couldn't break my staring contest with the world.

I was broken.

I was weak.

I was done.

Yet somehow, I felt brand new.