I am different from everybody and I do not belong. I have no friends. I always feel alone, from my adoptive parent’s house to school. But I don’t mind, I already got used to it since Mom and Dad died. But I wish that I also got killed in that accident, so I can be with them wherever they are right now. I miss them. I always have.
Sophomore year came, and still, no friends, not even one person I can rely on. I am still nobody. Yeah right, I’m such a loser. Yes I was like that until I met Drei. He also claimed himself to be a loner because no one understands him. He told me about his grandmother and her death and how it was a big loss for him. His grandma was the one who taught him everything he knew. I felt the same as him, the grief of having no one to guide you towards your future. No one to run to when you have a problem you can’t figure out. No one to be with you at all times.
We talked to each other more and we found out that we have a lot in common. Later, I found out that I’m laughing along with him, and I smile more often and I found somebody to open up my secrets and stories with. I felt happy this time. After years and years of sorrow, I felt happy again. And now, I found a friend.
I had a great time for many months until Drei stopped going to school. I thought he just got a fever and would come back after a few days. But he never came back. And the hardest part of this is when I found out that he will never ever come back. Our adviser said that he had suffered from cancer and it was already on the 4th stage when he felt the symptoms.
At first, I couldn’t say anything. I don’t know how I should react, what emotions I should bear. I don’t know if I’ll just scream my lungs out or cry my heart out. I don’t know if I should get angry or sad. But I just kept my composure until I went back home and locked myself in my room and cried silently, ignoring my adoptive mom’s door knocks and her words of concern from the outside of the room.
It took a very lot of time in order for me to move on from this tragedy. But his memory still remains in my heart and I won’t forget him, never. I’m happy that I have this necklace which he gave me a few weeks before he died so I have something to hold on to whenever I need him. Drei told me that I should always have faith in God and never turn my back on Him whatever happens. He also said that He has always been my guidance and protector even when I’m not yet born. God has always been beside me.
I closed my eyes for a while to reminisce all what happened from the four short months with Drei and felt my eyes tearing up. I held it back and opened my eyes again. But I felt like I had just woken up from a dream. A dream. I came to a guess that this was all a dream, that Drei might not be really dead, that I still have a friend.
When I checked for him in school, he wasn’t there. I asked the teachers about him and they said that Drei never went in my school. I didn’t ask more questions because they might think that I’m mental. I searched for him but there’s no Drei after all. He was just a dream. I didn’t felt down, instead I became happier because there’s a reason why I have dreamt of him even though he’s not real. For what he said that God has always been beside me, I was wrong what I have first said. For all these years, I have a friend after all, and He’s God.
But still right now, I keep thinking about the necklace he gave me. As you can see, I still have it around my neck. Weird isn’t it?
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So, this is my very first monologue for my project in English. It's not that good so I'm not expecting votes from it, I just want you to read it. :) Well, it's based from my true life, sort of. :)) Thank you for reading it! ^ ^
