A Note left by Levi

To whom ever that finds this,

It has all started when I lost Furlan and Isabel. I started to no longer show emotion, being new to the survey corps, no one noticed that this wasn't my normal self. I never have gone back to my normal self since then. I started to feel empty, I didn't feel sad or hurt when my comrades died. Then I was promoted to Captain and I was allowed to pick people to be in my squad. I started feeling again around my squad.  Around them I found happiness again. Around them I found compassion, and love. Around them I found myself.  Then, they died.  Sometimes I wish I never met them so I would never have found myself. But I fought that I shouted out loud in my room before, "NO! IT ISN'T TRUE!"  I guess I lost my true self, when I started to believe that I wouldn't be able to find happiness again. I blamed everything on myself from then on. I blamed that little things. I broke down so many times in my room screaming and shouting and crying. I started wanting to hurt on the outside and not on the inside anymore. I grabbed my shaving razor and it cut my skin like butter. I would cut until I fell unconscious. I always wore long sleeves because I wanted people to see that I was still Humanity's Strongest Soldier.  Today, I am going on a horse ride to the lake and  hopefully, I can clear my head of these thoughts. But I am not sure. I am leaving this on my desk, so hopefully the one that finds this will come and save the last true part of me before it is too late.