I hate myself....
The way I speak
The things I choose to say
And the things I don't
The way I let my anxiety control me
And
How I let the darkness consume me
I hate myself...
No matter how much
My mother says; "You're not alone!!"
I still feel like I am
And there is nothing anyone can say
That will change that
You see,
Actions speak louder than words
But I have so many words
So many dark thoughts
But some good
But no drive
or-
No motivation
They say; "Just focus!"
But I can't hear myself think-
Over all this noise......
"But it's silent" they say
I just can't tell the difference
Between reality and fantasy
What's real and what's imaginary
I think I'm going insane
You say, you see improvements?
Then why do I feel like I'm dying?
I try and I fail
I try and I fail
And I still feel alone
You say; "people love you!!"
Then why am I still crying?
Why don't I feel the Love?
They say; "I am here for you!"
But in my darkess moments
Where are you?!
Because from where I am standing
I'm here alone
I am in this alone
And......
I'm still learning how to love myself
I say; "I don't need you!"
But that is a lie!
I do
When I tell you "I am fine"
I am lying!
When I tell you to go,
I'm begging you to stay!
I am alone!
I have tried
And I continue to fail
And you say-
"Love yourself!"
You speak words of truth
But can you not see?
I am trying!
I look in the mirror
And all can see are my flaws!
All I can see is--
Nothing......
I am nothing
Just one person in a world of billions!
No will remember me when I die!
No will even notice!
I'm not the type of person to be missed
Nothing would change
The world will continue on
And when I'm gone-
This all would have meant nothing.......
I guess I'm still trying to love myself
